A gay guy’s life is full of problems, what to wear, who to bang, which celeb to pine over and who might steal your heart? Welcome to #GayBoyProblems. I’m not claiming to have answers to everything, or anything for that matter. Sometimes we just need to whinge, to whine, drink some wine and then be fabulous again.
Picture this: you’re standing in the club, lights are flashing and illuminating the dance floor, your ears are pounding with every bass line and right before you lean over to tell your fag hag, “It’s 4am and time to go home”, the. hottest. guy. walks in.
In a simple jeans and tee number, it’s clear he doesn’t spend ages getting ready because to be completely honest, he is visual perfection. Before your mind wanders into the gutter, he begins to dance like porn-star/go-go boy/Abercrombie God you think to yourself, “could there possibly be anything wrong with this heavenly being?”
As it goes, the answer is yes. Let me introduce you to some scent sense. Guys who don’t understand the importance of fresh breath, antiperspirant and a little cologne should, in my book, be damned to never leave the house – regardless of attractability. Now while I understand that at 4am said hot guy could have totally legit reasons for smelling a little off, here’s what I propose for him to do;
- Eat a mint or chew some gum. With that said, get rid of said gum or mints before making out with someone. No-one wants to unexpectedly choke on the minty advances and a trip to the emergency department DOES NOT count as a second date…
- Deodorise. Dancing the night away like Barbie Q’s back-up dancer is in theory, brilliant, but don’t end up feral smelling like a stale running shoe… use deodorant before you leave the house. Always.
- Spruce up with a little cologne but be careful not to go too crazy. Marinating is for chicken wings, not for boys spraying themselves in Calvin Klein latest scent. Small sample sizes can be purchased and it’s encouraged to have one on you on a night out.
Matthew Edwards
