On The Couch

It’s always unfathomable to me that some people feel the need to establish a hierarchical system of categorising sexual orientation, relationships or gender. Why are some seen as more ‘valid’ in their identity and expression than others? For example, why is it that for some being a lesbian tends to come with some kind of Michelin rating? When I think Michelin I think tyres, and when I think tyres I think black rubber. I like black rubber, but that’s not the point. What I am getting at here is the concept of a ‘Gold Star’ lesbian – a same-sex attracted woman who has only ever slept with women – and the bitching and one-upmanship (or should that be one-upwomanship?) that goes along with some lesbians using this status to laud it over others who have sampled from both teams. Is there such a thing as being a more VALID lesbian…and more importantly, why on earth would it matter to establish such a distinction? I have spoken to many women who have been given a hard time, even by their own partners, about the fact that they are not a REAL lesbian because they have slept with men in the past. I have also heard women speak of what REAL lesbians would or wouldn’t do in bed. Here I was thinking we were trying to move away from patriarchal viewpoints about women where sexual expression is seen as something upon which to make judgement, yet we repeat the pattern with our own form of f*cked up sexual politics? My view: If you happen to be lucky enough to have a woman share her sexual and emotional self with you, celebrate it. Realise that this is as real as it gets, regardless of her past. Be self-expressed in what you like to do sexually and honour the same in your partner. Overall it’s simple. Be it in reference to sexual orientation, relationship type or gender identity, who is any one person to rate another as less signifi cant or valid in their expression or identity? It is both pointless and self defeating – imagine how much more powerful we could be as a community if we were cohesive rather than divisive. With Pride upon us, let’s ‘Imagine – One Better World’ and move forward, shall we?

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007 at 3:55 pm and is filed under On The Couch. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.