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Recap: Real Housewives of Sydney – The X Factor

We pick up the socialites as Lisa Oldfield visits Nicole’s rent-a-mansion for morning tea. Nicole appears to be preparing food without her signature Yummy Mummy apron.

Lisa and Nicole chat over coconut cake and orange juice about AthenaX’s behaviour last week where she had a falling out with Matty. They decide to tell AthenaX she should apologise. Oddly, there is no alcohol in this gathering, is this a Housewives first?

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Melissa is meeting Chris, the director of Boar, an upcoming independent film about a killer hog, which she stars in. Chris plays some scenes from the film and we wonder if a title change to Bore might be needed.

Matty arrives and sees a few scenes, squeals enthusiastically and diplomatically says “What a smart concept, I love it.”

Seemingly unaware of the concept of acting, Matty is wowed by the strength of Melissa’s on-screen punch.

Talking straight to camera Matty shares that she’s been following Melissa’s career since she was on E-Street and releasing pop hits. Matty breaks out the dance moves and delivers Melissa’s signature tune Read My Lips.

Melissa talks about how hard it is being famous when people make up things about you that aren’t even slightly true. Melissa and Matty chat about how rude AthenaX was at Victoria’s party.

AthenaX joins Nicole and Lisa who have decided to tell he she needs to apologise to Matty. Athena spots a purple jacket which she wears as a cape. Nicole tells us when Athena starts talking about spirituality she just hears “white noise” and begins making shopping lists.

The girls discuss the altercation between Matty and AthenaX, who says she was just talking about her spirituality. Nicole adds baked beans, pasta and a pony for Nawal to her shopping list. Lisa tells AthenaX she needs to talk less.

Matty says being friends with AthenaX is a ‘no deal’. Athena promises Nicole and Lisa that she’ll call Matty and apologise for calling her shallow.

Krissie catches up with Victoria. Victoria is hoping to find he father who she’s never met, they call a private investigator to start an investigation.

AthenaX heads into the city to find her friends Lion, Tin Man and Scarecrow meet a Gallery owner who she hopes will host an exhibition of her paintings.

Gallery owner Tim is surprised that AthenaX is still doing her paintings of shapes, describing them as decorative. Athena spouts on about how the paintings are from another dimension and are inspire by past lives. Tim remembers that he needs kitty litter, milk and spray n’ wipe from the supermarket.

AthenaX says it would be a huge loss to humanity if they didn’t get to see her work. Tim looks like he’s wondering if it’s a magic eye image, he squints to see if he can see anything. Tim is a puddle.

Lisa joins husband David for a family dinner with her father and niece. Lisa explains how she can make so many things with her Thermomix. In a awkward exchange David notes that Lisa never cleans up the kitchen and always forgets to lock the cage of her python, forgets to lock the front door, leaves her car unlocked and neglects to shut the garage door.

David recalls that the family lost their pet bird when he opened a door and the bird flew away. Lisa complains that he’s not being fair, highlighting that she chased the bird all around Manly Bay in her negligee. David suggests she “should have flown on her broom”. Lisa asks him to politely “Fuck off”

Nicole and Krissy go to look at property, Nicole hates her rent-a-mansion because it makes her feel like a gypsy. They check out a glamorous house that’s on the market for eight or nine million. Nicole says she has no budget, she just needs the perfect house.

AthenaX decides to invite all the girls to Greek themed party to celebrate her birthday. She visits a designer to get an outfit designed for the occasion. Having a cape is essential. Looking like you’ve walked off the set of a 70’s space opera might also have been on her list.

The girls arrive at the party, everyone is dressed in blue and white. Matty doesn’t show, AthenaX tells the other girls that she called Matty, but it turns out she only sent her a SMS and never actually apologised. Melissa finally gets the memo that drama = screen time, and calls AthenaX out with her spiritual telephone / mouth.

The girls sit down and listen to AthenaX’s side of the story, Nicole hears white noise and updates her shopping list. Lisa wonders if she remembered to close the garage door and wonders whether the python has strangled David yet.

Lisa confides to Victoria that she’s not a happy in her marriage to David. Shocked at the revelation Victoria suggests immediate divorce and offers her the number of her lawyer. Victoria says Lisa’s news was shocking, Lisa says Victoria’s reaction was shocking. It’s good they tell us these facts straight to camera, because their faces alone don’t always convey these emotions after a visit to Medispa by Matty.

The girls Greek dance on the tables to some Greek music and Greek AthenaX blows out the Greek candles on her Greek cake. Victoria tells the girls she’s paying for them all to go on holiday together to The Whitsunday Islands. Nicole looks relieved because it’s been hours since she had a holiday.

We also discover what happened to the bird that escaped from Lisa and David’s old house.

Questions: With two references to Melissa’s 90’s hit Read My Lips this week, don’t any of the housewives remember her other hit? I’m a spiritual person – what’s on your shopping list? Have you ever Astro Traveled? We figure it’s like Astral Traveling but your only option for a new body are Astro Boy or the dog from The Jetsons. Fantastic Capes. Where to find them?

Challenges: Drop “What a smart concept, I love it.” into as many conversations as you can. Find the most ridiculous necklace possible, we recommend the Salvos in Maylands. Find at least 5 more Melissa Tkautz songs to improve your RHoS wordplay. Astro Travel.

 

 

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