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WICKED WEDGES!
STRICTLY SPEAKING (Wed Nov 17, ABC-8pm)

Pretty much the Glossophobiac’s ultimate nightmare, this unusual panel-judged talent show doesn’t rely on contestants’ ability to cook, dance, sing, or suppress their desire to throttle the life out of Kyle Sandilands or Todd McKenny with their bare hands. This one’s emphasis is on public speaking and debating- with a rotating panel of judges giving contestants five or so minutes each to talk on a variety of pre-set topics, and judging their oral skills (must…resist…dirty joke…) the strength or their argument and their poise under pressure. Finally, a debate that’s interesting and doesn’t have that stupid worm-thing onscreen!

McCALLUM (Wed Nov 17, 7Two- 8:30pm)
Twisty and turny forensic detective series from Britain presented in movie-length instalments. McCallum (Scottish actor John Hannah, one half of the gay couple from FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL) is a forensic pathologist and the show is medically accurate, so the makeup on the corpses shown is probably going to put you off your dinner- particularly if you’re eating stroganoff- but Hannah’s frequent and totally gratuitous nude scenes may make up for it.

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STALE CHIPS
WE CAN BE HEROES: FINDING THE AUSTRALIAN OF THE YEAR (Wed Nov 23, ABC- 9:30pm)

I’ve never understood the appeal of this alleged cult comedy program, which won writer/creator/performer Chris Lilley a whole slew of awards. Maybe I’m too socially sensitive, but seeing Lilley’s extremely stereotypical performance as a gay man and highly offensive portrayal of an Asian just smacks of a Minstrel Show to me. A White man dressing up in Yellow-face and mimicking Asian voice and behaviour wasn’t funny when Peter Seller’s did it in THE PARTY in 1968, and it’s certainly not funny now…

JUICY JACKETS!
SUPERSIZERS GO… (Thurs Nov 24, SBS- 8:30pm)

Delightfully amusing and defiantly different little series that is about food, but is not a Cooking Show. Rather it’s a documentary about food throughout the ages. Hosted by comedienne Sue Perkins and Restaurant critic Giles Coren, the show takes us through different human eras (Dickensian times, The Elizabethan Age, The Eighties) and Sue and Giles adopt the dress, diet and lifestyle of that era (however destructive it is to their health) for a week. This week sees the duo adopting the culinary pursuits of the French Revolution; trying to dine in decadence whilst dodging decapitation. Sue Perkins is genuinely hilarious, and Giles Coren has both a wonderful voice (he’d cash in big with phone sex) and is extremely hot, in a weird kind of way. Yum!

SPUDS IN SPACE!
THE TRUTH BEHIND THE DRACULA LEGEND (Sun Nov 7, SBS- 2:30pm)

Hands up who knows that Bram Stoker based DRACULA on both the 15th Century tyrant Vlad the Impaler and 16th century lesbian cannibal Countess Erzebet Bathory? Okay, that pretty much takes care of the ‘truth’ part of this documentary. Fascinating viewing- not in the least because it features vampires who don’t glitter for a change. Fun fact- Prince Charles Windsor’s ancestry can be traced right back to Vlad the Impaler, perhaps explaining why the Queen Mum refused to die for so long and why her domestic help were so terrified of running her a bath…

Gavin Pitts

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