If I was just a little cuter, thinner, richer, funnier, cooler, sexier, fatter, cleverer, taller, shorter, blonder, browner, whiter then he’d really like me. Does that sound familiar?
The “If I was only†Syndrome is as prevalent today as it ever was and out of all the disorders we suffer in the dating world, it’s one of the most vitriolic.
There’s nothing more poisonous to self esteem than wishing you were just a little bit more. This is especially unfortunate when the desire for improvement is based solely on gaining the attention of your object’s affection.
I used to believe this was a syndrome encountered only by the young and insecure and as a result, I’ve never thought much about it. It’s recently been brought to my attention, however, that intelligent, successful and mature people are suffer from it as well.
Beautiful men at Connections are saying ‘If my pecs were just a little rock hardier he’d notice me” rich businessmen are pondering ‘If I was just a little younger my fine young thing from Gaydar wouldn’t have run off with the pool boy’; and young trendy home owners are lamenting ‘If my apartment was in Mount Lawley instead of Maylands then at least he’d respect my postcode’.
It’s a worrying trend when we want to be ‘Just a little bit more’ for the entertainment or the permission of someone else. Supermodels want to be just a little skinnier until one day their legs snap as they strut down a runway. Politicians try for just a few more votes until they’re up all night realizing they sold their soul.
Are you getting how bad this is for you?
Two of my friends have successful careers as a doctor and lawyer. On top of making ridiculous amounts of cash, one has real estate in a respectable neighborhood and the other rents in Subiaco. One is in his late twenties the other early thirties and they are both feeling nervous about age. They think being just a little younger will get them the men of their dreams. I remind them that expensive drinks and BMW’s make up for that – they’ll be fine.
It’s amazing how people who are normally strong and confident are reduced to a shadow of themselves with the prospect of entering a successful relationship. You should never feel like you’re not enough and if you do you’ll have to ask yourself if he’s worth it.
Here’s a simple test.
If your Facebook is full then you have nothing to worry about. You don’t need to be a little more of anything – least of all for him. The presence of friends is the best indication that you’re on the right track. If he can’t see your qualities then your compatibility rating is already dangerously low – stay away from these situations.
An article in a respected newspaper recently reported that Perth has become a boom town for men. So, pick yourself, dust yourself off and get out there. It’s winter in Perth and right now it’s raining men.
