When it comes to having kids, gay and lesbian couples face a few obvious logistical problems over and above to the sheer drama of bringing them up! OutinPerth caught up with gay couple Matt and Martin who gave the lowdown on their chosen path to parenthood.
Matt and Martin…
…On Choosing Surrogacy
After a lot of research we found that this was the best option for us. Surrogacy is a regular practice in the US and we specifically decided to go to California as this is one of the few places in the world where 2 men could be on the Birth Certificate. We also found that we were covered completely legally and we didn’t want to take any risks or not know exactly where we stood throughout the process. Medically they have some of the best IVF doctors in the world and being that Matt’s sister is our egg donor also, healthcare was a priority.
…Finding a surrogate mother
We found our surrogate mother through a surrogacy agency in San Diego called Surrogate Alternatives. After researching and interviewing agencies we registered with Surrogate Alternative and began going through a database of surrogate mothers and creating a profile about us as a couple and our motivation to be parents. We read through their profiles about themselves, their families and their motivation to be a surrogate. Once we narrowed it down to a few surrogates we began the process of talking with them and once we spoke with the woman who was to be our surrogate, we knew straight away that she was the one and she felt the same about us!
…Long distance mothering
We don’t have any issues at all. We talk to her a lot, whether by emails, phone calls or photos on a weekly basis. We spent a lot of time getting to know her and her family when we were in the US initially and it helps when you get along so well. Her husband and family are amazing and supportive of the process and she has the most wonderful daughter. Being able to communicate freely with her was a quality that was at the top of our list (other than the obvious healthy lifestyle etc) when we were choosing a surrogate mother, so we felt we were on the pregnancy journey with her.. And she’s not afraid to call us at any hour to share information like her morning sickness or the growth of her belly.
…Other gay dads in the village
You’d be surprised at how many there are in Australia alone, let alone around the world, that have been through surrogacy or are in the process of doing it. We were lucky enough to find a great online support group called Gay Dads Australia (www.gaydadsaustralia.com.au). This is a fantastic group of Gay Dads & Families that share and collate all their experience and knowledge into an online forum and support group that anyone wanting to become a gay dad can join. They have forums for each state and a national forum specifically for gay dads going through surrogacy. Unfortunately most of the people we are in contact with are in the Eastern States, we haven’t met many gay dads in WA, especially that have done it or doing it through surrogacy… YET!
…Essential Advice
DO YOUR RESEARCH! That is definitely the most important part, we spent the best part of a year researching and talking to people before making our move. And find others that have done the same thing, you’ll need the support and experience that they can provide. We would be more than happy to talk with anyone looking at the possibility of starting their family through Surrogacy. We want to show people and create awareness of the options and that even if you are gay, that doesn’t mean you can’t be a parent. And whether you go through adoption or surrogacy or co-parenting, the fact that you’re going to these great lengths just shows you want it more, are ready and will be a great parent!
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