Pam Ann at The Astor Theatre
Saturday August 25
As you arrive at the Astor Theatre in Mount Lawley you are guided by the ushers to which part of the plane you will be seated. On this flight there are four different classes, asylum seekers (myself), economy, business class and the coveted first class.
With the Pam Ann emblazoned logo shining on the walls and stage of the theatre, while the new Qantas song was echoing through the speakers; you were aware this was going to be a great flight. Suddenly a video montage begins to play on the screen on the main stage. It’s of Pam Ann inserted into the short lived TV series Pan Am which delighted the senses for the arrival of our purser.
Once all passengers were seated the lights dimmed. We prepared for take-off and awaited the arrival of our hostess. As the spot light found Miss Pam Ann in her glamorous uniform a large gay gasp could be heard through the theater and the journey begins.
Pam Ann thanked us for coming out past 6 pm as she gave us an insight to how the rest of the world saw Perth, how our coast line is not just famous for our pristine beaches, our lovely weather but most of all our sharks! Pam Ann let us know Perth’s anti-day light saving is renowned, that farmers were behind our anti day light saving for their love cows, how we pamper our cows, we nurture, coddle and care for them and their interests are more important than asylum seekers. Pam Ann let us know our reputation for being STARVED for entertainment has not been unnoticed and she was here to help.
As she continued, she engaged her audience from the all classes in the plane from asylum seeker to first class, but in true Pam Ann form her focus towards service in first class was outstanding.
She courted her gays in the front row engaging them in banter regarding their lives, sexuality and physicality which translated in outstanding puns, stereotypes and outbursts which delighted the cabin.
There was so much talk about cock for a moment you could be mistaken to think that Pam Ann was a drag queen in disguise (OKAAAYYY). From the frivolity of the warm up Pam Ann took us on a trip throughout the Airline industry from press releases, media mistakes and company embarrassments, with her quick wit, sharp tongue and the vessel of truth she is, shedding light, perspective and laughter into these incidents.
From snakes on a plane with a young man from Darwin, that Pam Ann could only describe as YUM, to the silent training for Virgin Atlantic Staff to the power of German efficiency hitting a plane. We were reminded that EVERYTHING she said was true and to remember this. As the first part of the act came to a close another video montage took us through Pam Ann inserted into some famous movies (thank god I went with a friend who knew what the references were, as I didn’t know), which enthralled the audience, then a light pink hew filled the stage and Pam Ann comes out in a pink uniform with a trolley of treats.
Pam Ann showed the other airlines how first class is done with a smoking trolley, sparkling wine from SA and a fruit platter smaller than the fruits in the her audience. Pam Ann then proceeds to engage her first class passengers with a shower of gold glitter, coating the gaggle of gays with their boyfriends in attempts to prepare them for the night ahead.
She apologised to one of her gays, who she asked to stand up and show us the results of the glitter bombing, he was so well coated in glitter you would hear the fabric cry and the thought we all had and that Pam Ann pointed out was, ‘That is fine gold glitter and that will take weeks to remove’.
She then proceeded to show us through the song by LFMAO Sexy and I Know It what her first class service was about. The lucky boys and girls in First Class got a show not to be forgotten, Pam Ann pranced and crawled over them taking off her uniform. The gay gasps were heard throughout the Astor, as she stripped, showed us her areas which ‘titillated’ us all! She made her way back to the stage, Pam Ann continued to do trolly service and giving champagne to the glittered gays, their boyfriends and one straight couple and then proceed to throw cup cakes and fruit in the audience.
She fed her bears and pointed out if she was a gay she would be a bear ‘WOOF’, this delighted her gay bears who hollered and cheered.
After trolley service was finished, Pam Ann then took us on another video montage showing us news reels from which showed the reference points to her comedy regarding the airline industry, which triggered a Mexican wave of laughter as they issues seem to be unbelievable.
The stage was then a wash in a blue hew and Pam Ann comes out for the last time in a 60′s inspired gown with the Pam Ann logo on the front, she sings to the audience and reflects on the journey she has taken us on and thanked us for coming out past 6pm and hoped our cows were ok.
Pam Ann spoke how this was a special night for her, her family owned and managed The Astor Theatre, her mother, other family members were in the audience as this was her last show in Australia. Pam Ann pointed out that Perth had been the best audience, and with that she thanked us and our flight on Pam Ann Airlines was finished.
When she arrives at Perth international airport again get your tickets and enjoy the laughs no matter what part of the plane your seated. Pam Ann thank you I will definitely be traveling with you again and next time I will make sure I’m at the pointy end of the plane.
Spencer James Spence