OUTinPerth’s resident star gazer, Beau de Vine surveys the year ahead.
ARIES (MAR 22 – APR 19)
It’s all about the pairing this year, Ramsey. Yes, all your partnerships are on an event horizon and are about to go supernova. Work? Expect to survive only with the might of another by your side. Artsy? Then collaborate to benefit significantly. In love? Then you’ll be building a bigger and better future together. Not in love? You will be, mark my words! Two hearts, Farmyard, two hearts!
CAREER – Success is spelled A-R-I-E-S this year. Put your nose to the grindstone and you won’t just coming off smelling like roses when your boss comes in to find out what that strange burning flesh smell is, only to realise you’re working your ass off. Avoid major investments. Don’t splurge. Instead, work and manage yourself efficiently – it’ll pay off significantly.
LOVE – Love is many a splendid thing. Love lifts you up. Again, success is spelt with love. Make some minor changes to the way you talk, add a little flattery and SHAZAM you can expect support plus that fairytale prince/ss.
FAM & FRIENDS – Expect your social standing to grow. Travel associated with work will be arduous and exhausting. Study hard – it’s the only way to succeed there. Elsewhere and health is relatively good, while keeping up with the kids – be they yours or the ones you hang out with – will prove difficult and tiring.
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TAURUS (APR 20 – MAY 20)
The Sun, Mercury, Mars, Jupiter and Pluto all enter Capricorn this New Year, making a beautiful connection which will benefit a sign like you. It’s all green means go, which will either result in the whole planet suddenly getting their eco on (finally – the green movement gains momentum) or you find yourself well and truly grounded and in a position to receive the success that is coming your way. Or… both.
CAREER – Prospects are looking up this year. But with all of these new opportunities comes a greater chance of burning out and if this happens, well, you won’t realise your full potential. Expect sudden pay rises or promotions.
LOVE – Under pressure at work? Expect it to translate through to the home too. So keep an eye on whoever it is freaking you out because if you can manage then it’ll translate into a healthy competitive spirit.
FAM & FRIENDS – Home might be a little rocky. Perhaps it’s all that Earth sign energy surrounding you? Perhaps. Maybe you have rocks in your head? More likely. Oh, and while celebrations involving rhythm are beneficial for your social standing, films, journies or musical forms of entertainment are a distraction. Studies, however, bode well.
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GEMINI (MAY 21 – JUNE 20)
Let loose with that incredibly sharp imagination – it’s time to create some masterpieces. Dive head first into all your projects and the riches will come ebbing back. It’s also likely that you might not surface, you become that engrossed. Run with what you have, but once it runs out, run off to bed. Burn out is about as fashionable as a stock market crash.
CAREER – Step up, step up on to the wonderful escalator that is your career. You can expect to soar to the stars in the fields of not only career but cash too. In fact, you’ll be so on the ball that your boss won’t be able to notice what a fantastic job you’re doing. Your head is now in the clouds, not firmly up your [censored by Ed.].
LOVE – Your career highs will translate to your heart, thankfully. Expect the stalemate of a relationship to sweeten and bloom. Single? Not for long. Yes, unconditional love comes your way, so breathe in deep! Finally… someone is capable of loving you. See, miracles do happen.
FAM & FRIENDS – There’s lots on the go for you… and you. Personal stuff will be… well, just stuff. Priorities, however, are like your high school crush and deserve to be chased as though in a game of kiss-chasey because, unlike your high school crush, they’re going to let you get further than first base. Travel will… travel to you. Friends… will be friends. Stuff… will still be stuff.
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CANCER (JUNE 21 – JULY 22)
You love to help. It’s in that hard crustacean nature of yours. And this year is no different. However… watch out for those who see you as a gift horse with a mouth full of giving and take opportunity of your good nature. If you don’t step in to stop them, your partner will. But the healthiest solution is to show such opportunistic pests how to deal with situations themselves. As the old saying goes, you can’t wipe everyone’s arse forever!
CAREER – When the tough gets going… the tough go and buy a pair of heels and become an absolute bitch. Expect to step up to fight for your right to party. Do so and you’ll shine. Your leadership skills will be polished. If you’re doing part time work, stick with it – it’s more stable than you could imagine.
LOVE – To be honest, 2009 is a little up and down for your heart. There will be slight struggles and some heavy issues of the heart but elsewhere and love between you and your special someone will bloom. There might even be wedding bells…!
FAM & FRIENDS – Health and money will be hotspot trouble areas inside the home. Get off your butt and start exercising. Yoga and meditation are of particular importance as these will alleviate health issues attributed with stress. Get physical, physical, gonna get physical… let me hear your body talk…
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LEO (JULY 21 – AUG 22)
Keep an ear out for sob stories from friends. Some will be warranted but others designed to tug on the heartstrings purposely. To what end? To extract sympathy, empathy and sometimes money. Avoid these reactions. Instead get creative. Solve their problems artistically. Or just tell them to clear off. Alternate between both solutions in the one conversation for added dramatic effect… and a damn good head-f**k.
CAREER – Watch out for more money raising avenues than you could find a roadmap for. It’s all about profitable deals and lucre… dirty lucre. So get set to get recognised and for all that hard work to finally pay off. Yeah, head to Las Vegas! Or Rio. Or my house…!
LOVE – Going to the chapel and you’re going to get married, going to the chapel of love. Wedding bells ding dong ding-a-ling-dong all year long. Expect your lover to step up and take extra steps to show their love. Watch the temper – it’s a temper trap that’ll make things bend and snap… and not in a Legally Blonde kinda way.
FAM & FRIENDS – It’s a good year to call upon family members. Love is in the air, everywhere you look around. Apparently weddings feature here too, with them providing bountiful opportunities to meet more people. That’s if you aren’t drunk and half naked under the bridal table, like last time. Remember…? No? I have the video…!
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VIRGO (AUG 23 – SEPT 22)
Don’t let the economic downturn get you down. There’s no need – you’re determined to succeed irrespective of what forecasts are fore… cast. There are a whole heap of planets shining down on you and insuring you have a prosperous new year. Gee… and I didn’t get in one damning comment against you. Aren’t I nice!?! Nicer than you, to say the least.
CAREER – is not a country, it’s something you do with yourself, silly. And it looks like you’ll be busy this year. Use creativity to your end and keep away from behaviour that can potentially have a negative impact (think gossip) because it will have a negative impact – on you. Yes, karma is a bitch this year… just like me.
LOVE – Stay away from love at work. Don’t indulge in it – seriously! Elsewhere and love will flourish all around you. Sigh… see, at least someone somewhere is capable of loving you… theoretically at least. I pity the fools.
FAM & FRIENDS – Don’t splash on luxuries this year. And exercise caution when it comes to family matters. However if you are a student then success is assured, as long as you stay focused. Get outside some too, and indulge in some healthy activity. Your heart will thank you for it. Damn heart.
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LIBRA (OCT 23 – NOV 21)
The strike of midnight this year has been magical. For you, Libra, it means you are about to become even more magical. You’ll grow and learn and discover things you had previously overlooked. Work might become a bore, but stick in there – the tedium will pass. Be diligent and work hard. Work through. There are rewards.
CAREER – Everything appears on the up. Meetings with those you respect will pay off tremendously. There will be boosts in your professional life with the opportunity for profits to be made. If you are unemployed or flitting from job to job, do not despair – dreams come true this year.
LOVE – Yes, they may be screwing things up for themselves, but unfortunately you have to let them. Show your support by being by there side, not forcing them to do stuff. Overindulge in grand romantic gestures. They’ll make your heart a warmer place and your partner even madder about you than ever before.
FAM & FRIENDS – Bliss comes in many forms this year. Be it in the guise of sticking close to your family or helping friends in need one thing is certain: for some unknown reason you’re just brimming full of love. Stress is best left out of the equation.
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SCORPIO (OCT 23 – NOV 21)
It seems you’re squirreling yourself away, which isn’t such a bad thing for the rest of us… actually it’s a really good thing. A really good thing. While you’ll be working heaps, you won’t be spending lots, which is good news… in a kinda ironic way. Want more irony? You’ll be the darling of the social set, yet so committed to work you won’t be able to rsvp. Oh, and finding a humble abode is all well and good, but no fun if you’re too tired to enjoy it. Gee… no wonder you’re squirreling yourself away.
CAREER – Backstabbing is something you should be used to, but when it comes to it being directed at you… well, the proverbial poo hits the fan. But watch out for those who’d take the credit for work you’ve done – they’re out there. As is risky business, so save running around the house in your white socks playing air guitar for another year. Besides, you’re no young Tom Cruise or Heidi Klum.
LOVE – Be extra nice to your loved one this year – they’re the only one who is going to truly watch your back, so treat them well from the onset. Travel leads you to love. But be warned: the last six months are not going to be all sunshine and roses. Sorry!
FAM & FRIENDS – This is the one area you excel this year. There is definite boom times ahead in interpersonal relationships, if only you give them the time of day. Seems they’re taking pity on you! Awwwww.
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SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22 – DEC 20)
Market meltdown melting you down? Economic downturn got your hopes crashing like a stock market souped up on sub-prime mortgage lending? Well, fret not – the future is not all doom and gloom. The best way to cope, or so the stars say, is to make a plan and stick with it. That plain. That simple. So stop worrying. Now!
CAREER – Watch your purse. If anything pretend it’s a new market crash game – sitting, watching the purse, waiting for it to move. Waiting. More waiting. When you realise inanimate objects aren’t going to play along, maybe then you can get some work done.
LOVE – Awwww, it seems the path to your partner’s heart is plain and simple – sit down and talk with them. About what? About everything! The deeper you go, the stronger the relationship. So easy!? Then how come you haven’t done it before?! Damn Centaurs.
FAM & FRIENDS – Happiness this year lies with your ability to find inner peace. Do a little ‘ohm-shanti’ all over the couch and your housemates are simply going to love you for it. Do it up the wall too and they’ll be howling with adulation. In fact, do it anywhere you can: at parties; in work elevators; even in your pants…!
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CAPRICORN (DEC 21 – JAN 19)
If you could climb every mountain, where would it get you? Probably somewhere, yes, but oh the calluses you’d have on your poor dainty little hoofs. And we don’t want that now do we? Well, too bad, because you’re going to be climbing mountains all over the place this year. And they’re going to be twice as tall… sorry! Yah yah, on sea-goat!
CAREER – Let’s hope you have some big shiny plans on the go because if so you can expect plenty of rewards. Yes, put your best hoof forward and you’ll be rewarded, particularly in any dealings with multinationals. Elsewhere and you might find yourself hired as a circus freak – ‘come see the sea-goat… half goat, half…sea!’.
LOVE – You have a face only a mother can love. Sorry, that’s not true. Your lover loves your face too. Don’t have one? Then get out there and do some volunteer work – true love will find you there. Too hard? Stop whining. Already in love? Your partner goes and gets their eyes tested and… yeah, sorry, just joking. Seriously? You may elope!
FAM & FRIENDS – … get their eyes tested and whoa, nelly!!!
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AQUARIUS (JAN 2 – FEB 18)
You’ll be somewhat out of sorts this year. Saturn, one of your ruling planets, is all retrograde, which doesn’t mean funky kitsch is suddenly more your thing but rather quite the opposite. Add the fact that it’ll move to oppose your other ruling planet, Uranus, and you’ll find yourself stopping and starting, ummming and ahhhing. Yes, you’ll be more difficult than usual. Solutions? Ask someone else for their opinion… or to give you a kick up the arse.
CAREER – Surprisingly, for all your pussy footing around, one thing is certain this year: you’ll be finding yourself in the right place at the right time more than anyone else. That means you’ll be more than likely making connections with the rich, famous and sometimes beautiful. Hook me up, would ya Aqua, but keep that pussy foot away from me. Ewww, kitty paws!
LOVE – Marry me? No, not me, but that’s what you might hear. Say yes and fall further than you ever have before. Sheesh, in fact it sounds as though everyone is getting married this year… well, besides Capricorn and Scorpio. Maybe everyone should have a big group wedding? Could call it a ‘wed-gy’. Ewww.
FAM & FRIENDS – Home is where the heart is. Make it high on the priority list and the rewards will come swooping in. And look to intimate excursions with family members, the kind that will help you bond in preparation for some tougher times.
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PISCES (FEB 19 – MAR 20)
Watch out for miracles this year! Yes, it’s going to be a tough time, but there are some celestial rewards winging your way. Stay away from the more murkier depths of your personality though – everything is going to be fin… sorry, fine. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep – glug, gasp, glug glug glug. Just joking!
CAREER – If you are diligent and hardworking and keep on target, then the stars they say that the rewards will far outweigh the effort. The stars also ask if you are aware of fin flop? It’s something you’ll get if you don’t stay on target. Hmmm… wonder what you’ll be doing this year.
LOVE – Love will love you long time this year, yes it will. Like salmon swimming upstream to spawn, love with hook you like a giant grizzly bear standing beside the raging torrents. Go Smoky, get that fish!
FAM & FRIENDS – There will be plenty of good news this year with additions to the family coming from, literally, everywhere. Don’t start strutting your success around, because… well, fish can’t strut. But it’s also sure to leave your friends with fin flop toward that, and every fish needs a friends. Get outside more!
