Many of us are comfortable using denial as a means of existing in society. For social proof that not everyone believes in the reality of things such as age or weight or even the true colour of their hair, look no further than many profiles on Gaydar. However, denial can become more menacing, depending on the subject matter to which it is applied. For example, consider being in denial about when you were last tested for HIV or about being diagnosed with HIV. Operating with denial in these contexts can have serious consequences that impact on your health and others.
Some people with HIV cope with the diagnosis and experience of positive living by denying their diagnosis and the fact that their immune system may become compromised. So long as they do not experience or show symptoms, this reality can be maintained, sometimes for many years. However, as the immune system becomes suppressed the strategy of denial can lead some people to ignore their symptoms. After all, to acknowledge symptoms would be to acknowledge HIV and the treatment that goes with it. And that means taking pills daily.
The perception of no longer being in control of one’s health can be consciously intolerable. Facing our own human vulnerability and mortality requires considerable emotional competence. Some view the experience of surviving HIV akin to surviving cancer, where the good fight against the disease must be fought, never giving an inch and never losing hope. The thought of starting treatments can seem like the ultimate defeat, the beginning of the end. As someone who has been the beneficiary of HIV medication for more than decade my truth is that HIV medication is life saving and life embracing.
There are many ways to view the experience of living with HIV. Some take a pathway of innocent victim. Others consider it an accident that they now manage. Some view acquiring HIV in a spiritual way – as life teaching us some important lessons. A number of people with HIV follow an empowerment view taking full responsibility for their behaviour and health. Various people take a more accepting stance and view living with HIV as just another part of their journey. Personally, I view HIV with respect, as a living organism that in time will hopefully evolve into a benign organism. However you view a life experience with HIV, perhaps the greatest take home message is to be adaptive and be prepared to change strategies and views before denial turns into tragedy.
