I’m not a morning person. I need several cups of coffee to make my brain start working. …and before you say it; No it’s not that I stay up too late and need more sleep. I could go to bed at four in the afternoon and still struggle to be motivated the following day.

Knowing that you’re not a morning person means there are several career choices you can rule out. I’m fairly certain I don’t have a future in breakfast radio. I covered RTRFM’s Breakfast show for three days in a row last year and by the Wednesday I was frazzled.

I know that if I have to, I can function in the early morning. In a former career in the hospitality industry I once spent four months starting work at four o’clock in the morning. I did it, but it never felt easy.

My natural rejection of early mornings gives me a never ending curiosity about quick fix cures that can help you transform into the much talked about ‘early bird’

One article I read suggested eating a teaspoon of almond butter before going to bed. Apparently you wake up energised because your blood sugar has not dropped during the night. Firstly it took me forever to find a supermarket that stocked Almond butter, and secondly it’s incredibly expensive – more than I was willing to pay.

Another article suggested having a really freezing cold shower, apparently the cold water shocks your body into life and sends a rush of endorphins to you brain.

Finally something I could get onboard with was the suggestion that eating a high protein meal within the first 30 minutes of your day could have a power-boost effect. Their recommendation – a three egg omelette.

As I looked into my fringe one morning last week I realized that I had eggs, and onions, a little bit of diced capsicum, some fresh herbs, and sprinkle of finely chopped chilies. Everything I needed for a tasty breakfast. After some rapid chopping, whisking, frying and flipping I was sitting down and enjoying a plate filled with a pale yellow omelette with green and red flecks.

I still felt sleepy though, and I rubbed my eyes. With chili, I rubbed chili into my own eyes, OMG the burning sensation woke me up. I rushed to the shower, for a moment I pondered whether I should try washing my eyes out with some icy cold water. No, not really required as the chili has done the trick.

Any suggestions on how to be a preppy morning person are welcomed.

This was originally the editorial note for the July edition of OUTinPerth but at the last minute before going to print we changed our cover and I wrote an angry tirade about Tony Abbott and Marriage Equality.

Our July issue with Tony Abbott battling a rainbow tidal wave has been one of the most popular issues of OUTinPerth ever – so thank you all for your support.

Our teams currently getting our August edition ready for next Friday August 7th. It’s going to be huge and we can’t wait to share it with you. Before next Friday we’ll definitely be having some late nights and a few early mornings.  

BTW, a real life demonstration that I’m clearly not a ‘morning person’ can be seen above. After finding an appropriate image to visualise this piece, I flipped it over to make it look better on our website – forgetting that clocks have numbers.   

Graeme Watson, stock image: YayMicro hienteh

editor@outinperth.com