The Breakup Monologues
by Rosie Wilby
Bloomsbury Publishing
Professional comedian, lesbian and radio presenter Rosie Wilby believes that if you want to know about breakups, you should ask a lesbian. After all, it is well known that many lesbians move in together and get a cat on the second date, and she notes that at some social gatherings, “it’s easier to count who I haven’t slept with.”
Lesbians have notoriously high divorce rates but lesbians are more likely to separate respectfully and amicably. Labelling herself as a serial monogamist, she writes about her own breakups but disguises their identities by naming them Nice Ex-girlfriend, Secretive Ex-girlfriend, Agoraphobic Ex-girlfriend, Boozy Ex-girlfriend, First Ever Ex-girlfriend and Older Ex-girlfriend.
In 2011 Wilby was dumped by email after she became involved in an awkward love triangle involving her girlfriend’s ex. She started exploring the psychology of breakups and gathering interviews for podcasts on the subject. Of course breakups have always existed but she discovered labels such as ghosting, caspering (the friendlier ghosting), icing, stashing, and rocketing have been created.
What has also been created is a breakup shop – a company that will send a breakup email on your behalf, send a text, create a customised letter or make that awkward phone call on your behalf for a cost.
Alongside her own breakups are breakup stories from her friends, fellow comedians, her therapists and fans, and Wilby manages to draw out the humour. She was struck by the unexpected positivities to be found after the breakup heartbreak subsides, including the opportunity to get something better!
Interestingly, Wilby counts friendship breakups and professional breakups as being just as traumatic as relationship breakups, but she points out that we don’t have any kind of cultural script for mourning these losses as we do for grieving the loss of a romantic relationship.
This is recommended reading for anyone who has had or is contemplating a breakup… which should include just about everyone. There is no need to be depressed as you are certainly not alone. Wilby reassures us that resilience emerges from the wreckage with a chance for a transformative new start.
Lezly Herbert
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