Dear OTC,

My girlfriend has dated men in the past and still prefers to label herself as bisexual. While I know she is attracted to me, I can’t help but feel insecure that at some point, she’ll switch back to ‘the other team.’ What can I do?

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Sincerely,

Confused and Concerned

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Dear Confused and Concerned,

I understand your concerns as I think a lot of people in your situation worry about the same thing – albeit unnecessarily. It is important not to get sucked in by stereotypes and misinformation. Sometimes I think bisexuals get a bit of bad press, especially within the queer community, as there seems to be a viewpoint that bisexuals are just “unresolved” homosexuals or in denial of their ‘true’ sexuality (i.e. the view that bisexual men are gay but in denial; and bisexual girls are either straight and a ‘tourist,’ or a lesbian and in denial). Such a viewpoint is not only false, but ironic, seeing as it comes from a community that should know it is important not to insult the validity and, ipso facto, the integrity of diverse sexual orientations and relationships.

Another stereotype is that bisexuals are less reliable as partners than those who are attracted to only one gender. There is no reason to think that your girlfriend is any less committed to you just because she is capable of liking men as well as women. Consider this… straight and gay people like one gender, but can leave each other for another option within that gender. So, simply put, being bisexual may mean that your girlfriend could be attracted to either gender but her choices about what she does with the varying options around her are the same as those facing a straight or gay person. Yes, there is the element of the differences that she might like with either gender, but then, a gay woman may be attracted to varying types of women and could conceivably be drawn to wanting different things in different women. Options always exist and choices always need to be made, regardless of orientation. If you are ‘the one,’ then no one else will come into it. It still comes down to whether or not she is committed to you and is monogamous. I think the best option for you is to have an honest talk with her about your feelings. She may well put your mind at rest!

Take care…

OTC