There are few things more satisfying than waking up on Sunday morning knowing you didn’t do anything regretful the Saturday night before.
You didn’t drink too much. You limited your cigarette consumption. You bypassed McDonalds on the way home. And you didn’t sleep with the guy who proves time and time again to mentally sodomize you in every encounter. These all lead to blissful Sunday mornings with chirping birds, juice at Soto (I’d recommend the apple, carrot and ginger) and smug, self righteous satisfaction.
And there are few things more satisfying than smug self righteous satisfaction.
If you’re giving credit to anyone though it’s likely you need to thank your friends for these beautiful Sunday mornings – they would have been the ones talking you out of capital letter BAD Saturday night activity, (especially when it comes to the mental sodomizer). It’s our friends who react faster that the speed of light to warn us that ‘this one’ is no good, leads to trouble and a night with him will result in a burning sensation in your heart and possibly an awkward trip to the GP.
Friends are the superheroes of the dating world – warding off the evil forces who want to steal our hearts, cheat on us and infect us with their slutty ways. If it’s one person everyone should listen to, it’s a superhero. Rather than administer a superhero brand of justice on creeps of the dating world, they use their super-human strength to either hold us back, lest we do something to the bad guys that won’t hold in a court of law (although it should) or keeping us from breaking to pieces when these guys hurt us. Often both these tasks take courage and skill only available to good friends.
Perth may be a small city, but it’s jam-packed with dating villains. The sinister Doctor Jerkoff lurks in the shadows and with all the damage Major Pissabout has done I’m surprised he isn’t in the papers – these guys are masters of hit and run heartache. What they do is a crime and in a world filled with dating felony we need to know that we can call on our independent army of crime-fighters – our mates.
Truth is we rarely listen to our friends when they warn us about ‘undateables’. It’s not entirely our fault though. These people have a way of flicking our switch, making us believe we’re onto something good and all the warning signs in the world don’t work when we get into that frame of mind – it’s cathexis at it’s best, it’s potent and often it leaves us hanging on the abyss of disaster so who you gonna call?
When the knight in shining army turns out to be a demon in disguise, we need our superheroes, our friends, to make us feel better. It’s common knowledge that you can live without a knight in shining armour, but you can’t live without your peeps who, as it turns out, are the real ones that save the day.
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Want to know Brett’s favourite superhero? Email him – brett@www.outinperth.com.
