HOT WEDGES!
SEX REVOLUTION: SAVE IT FOR MARRIAGE (Wed March 3, ABC2-9:30pm)
Neat little 4-part documentary examining changing attitudes towards the Beast With Two Backs throughout Human society- from the repressive attitude of Victorian Europe, to the (rather literal) Swinging Sixties and the concept of ‘Free Love’, to the fight for gay rights, to the oddly unhealthy and sexually-repressed current social climate in North America. Indeed, America’s bizarrely Neo-Victorian attitude to sex is a core part of this program- seems in Hollywood, you can blow a guy away; you just can’t blow a guy!
COWBOYS AND ANGELS (Thurs March 4, SBS- 12:30am)
Sweet little 2003 gay film from Ireland in which a geekily-cute young straight guy moves into a college share house with a worldlier gay guy. Despite being from vastly different worlds, the two form a strong friendship that endures despite the disapproval (on both sides) of their friends and the problems that come from their cultural clashes. Fun and very cute!
WHAT’S WRONG WITH NUDITY? (Fri March 5, SBS- 10pm)
The answer, of course, is nothing! (Unless it involves the male cast of SEINFELD) Excellent little documentary that examines the wildly fluctuating attitudes of society towards the nude human body- Janet Jackson’s infamous ‘Wardrobe Malfunction’ at the Super bowl, why full-frontal female nudity is more acceptable than male (less danger of tripping?!) and the Ancient Greeks holding the first Olympics in the nude (something I personally would love to see a return to!)
SEARCH FOR THE GIANT OCTOPUS (Sun March 7, Nat Geo- 4pm)
Giant Squid (Architeuthis) are known from occasional dead specimens that wash up on beaches or very rare encounters with living animals. But the Giant Octopus- a creature rumoured to be two or three times as big again as the largest Giant Squid, and the inspiration for the legendary Kraken- is still the stuff of legend; Giant Octopus are not as yet officially recognised by science. This fascinating Natural History program goes looking for real, physical evidence that the rumoured enormous cephalopods actually exist. The Calamari’s *really* off tonight!
GOSSIP GIRL (Tues March 23, FOX8- 5:30pm)
3rd series of this fairly entertaining comedy-drama revolving around the studies and (primarily) the extra-curricular activities of the femme-fatale students at the Constance Billard School for Girls. This season sees popular male character Chuck (Ed Westwick), who is openly bisexual in the GG novels but up-til-now hettie in the TV series, finally gets his same sex loving on this season, with a much publicised snog between Chuck and a male friend, Greg (Neal Bledsoe) which goes on for quite some time and is very passionate (even if Westwick, bless him, confused ‘acting seductively sultry’ with ‘acting like having been hit about the upper head with a snow shovel’)
TELL ME YOU LOVE ME (Tues March 23, Ten-Midnight)
Excellent little drama series, which ponders the nature of love and sex in the C21st, with the help of cast members including Christine Elise, Jeremy London, and Ian Somerhalder- and also the help of the male cast members’ members- the show was originally aired in the US on cable and is uncommonly explicit in its sex scenes- fans of Ian Somerhalder from LOST who were disappointed he didn’t get much airtime in that show will *love* this one, in which he gets (much) more exposure- alas, whilst the buns are real, not-so-little-Ian is a prosthetic…
STALE CHIPS
THE BENNY HILL SHOW (Wed March 24, Seven- 7pm)
Okay, some of it remains funny, but here’s a little tip for Seven and other Channels hell-bent on airing ‘classic television’. When the star of the show you’re running has been dead for over 30 years, said show might be more than a little dated. It’s not ‘Classic’, it’s ‘Embalmed’!
THE FLINTSTONES (Thurs March 25, Go! Network, 6pm)
What did I just get through saying above?! Too old, too dated (one episode has a cameo by a then-still-living Alfred Hitchcock!) and not particularly funny in the first place. Plus it features one of my paleontological pet hates, dinosaurs, megafauna and human beings all living in the same time period, despite being separated in real life by tens of millions of years. If I wanted completely ludicrous epoch errors, I’d watch the Intelligent Design Network!
JUICY JACKETS!
BROTHERS & SISTERS (Sun March 28, Hallmark Channel- 3pm)
Whilst I question its placement on ‘The Hallmark Channel’, which brings to mind anthropomorphised bunnies romping around in fields picking flowers in their Sunday Best and giving each other chaste kisses on the whiskers (What? It’s just me?) BROTHERS & SISTERS, now in its 4th season, remains a top-quality Comedy/Drama (‘Dramedy’ is the official title according to the press release, but that word will never pass my lips, along with ‘Bromance’ and ‘LOL’). As Matriarch Ma Walker, Sally Field may channel a large ham each week, the show keeps introducing ‘long-lost’ family members to replace cast whom have left the show (coughBalthazaarGettywasfiredcough) and Callista Flockheart as the youngest sister of the family continues to stretch my suspension of disbelief to the breaking point, but for every dodgy plot device, the show continues to present gay married husbands Kevin (Matthew Rhys) and Scotty (Luke MacFarlane) in such a winning light and with such compelling storylines they deserve their status as the best gay couple on television right now. The fact that MacFarlane is a] totally hot and b] openly gay in real life is just icing on a fantastically well-made (if very rich and dubiously calorie laden) cake…
SPUDS IN SPACE!
ET- THE EXTRA TERRESTRIAL (Thurs March 4, Fox Classics- 5:30pm)
It’s possible you’ve heard of this modestly successful, little film that snuck into theatres with almost no fanfare in 1982. You’d be forgiven for not noticing it at all really, seeing as how it was only touted as THE BEST FAMILY MOVIE EVER MADE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD THE XMAS ORNAMENT SPACESHIP AND THE CUTE LITTLE ALIEN WHO LOOKS KIND OF LIKE A FOETUS AND HAS A MAGIC FINGER AND THE CUTEST CASE OF CHRONIC MYOCARDIAL INFECTION EVER FILM CRITICS COULDN’T HAVE GIVEN HIM A BIGGER LICENSE TO PRINT MONEY IF THEY’D PERSONALLY GONE OVER TO HIS HOUSE AND OFFERED TO HAVE HIS BABY REGARDLESS OF THEIR GENDER OH AND THE SCENE WITH THE BICYCLE AND THE MOON AND NEIL DIAMOND EVEN WROTE A SONG ABOUT IT but it totally sucked and Neil Diamond seemed to mistakenly believe the whole film took place in Elliot’s head anyway so we’re not going to talk about that in loud adoring voices. There’s very little left to say about this film that hasn’t already been said, except that Drew Barrymore, at six years old, effortlessly steals the film away from Carlo Rambaldi’s impressive yet sill saccharine alien design, Dee Wallace Stone (Horror movie stalwart taking a break from screaming for once to play Elliot’s mum) is truly the nicest actress in Hollywood, and this film is the reason why John Carpenter’s masterpiece, THE THING, flopped at the box office later the same year, because people wanted their aliens to be wrinkly little botanists with a healing touch, rather than shapeshifting nightmares that ate you and took your form. No accounting for taste!
Gavin Pitts
