Okay people, let’s talk about date etiquette. There is something I think the boys in Perth (and maybe the girls too?) are just not getting, and it needs to be addressed.
It seems as though there is a whole bunch of Bad Daters out there who are forgetting a few simple rules. It can’t be that hard to follow rules. Can it?
First off, Fatal Lines.
Something my friends and I have been experiencing a lot recently. Let me set the scene for you, go with me on this one.
You’re out on a date, let’s say coffee in a relaxed cafe on Beaufort Street. Your date is funny, has good conversation, they’re cute. Almost too good to be true? You bet! As you’re sipping at your [insert favourite hot cafe beverage] that seemingly perfect date has a moment of verbal diarrhoea.
They blurt out a Fatal Line so catastrophic, you drop your hot beverage into your lap spill it everywhere and burning yourself in the process.
Okay, a little bit dramatic, but you get the picture. But these dates are relentless with their deal breaking Fatal Lines. Here’s an excerpt from an email I received recently from my best friend. He’d just been out on a date with a guy who was FULL of Fatal Lines.
My date last night:
Nine: the number of points he received for being in shape.
Seven: the number of seconds it took me to see his hideous acne scarring.
One and a Half: the number of hours it took him to deliver the Fatal Line (the movie hadn’t even started)
Three: the number of Fatal Lines he managed to deliver in the space of thirty minutes.
Ten: the number of minutes it took AFTER we said goodbye, for him to text me saying what an amazingly wonderful time he had and how much he wanted to see me again.
Six: the number of times I *spewed* out the window.
Zero: the number of times I’ll see him again.
Fatal Lines delivered:
1. “Did I tell you about my TV? I had a fight with sister. She got me REALLY angry and I punched my fist through the rear projection television I payed $1800 for. I broke a whole bunch of other stuff too…. Oops.”
2. “I don’t really smoke, I just get really stressed at work and have to take a cigarette break after annoying kids come in”
3. “Yeah, I’m so not into drugs. I just do party pills with my friends when we have a big night”
But wait, Fatal Lines seem to have even transcended dating and moved into the World Wide Web too! Whether it’s Facebook, Manhunt or Gaydar, these Fatal Lines keep cropping up.
Maybe they’re not as severe as when you’re face to face with someone, but they’re ten times more common online.
You can be happily chatting away to some seemingly handsome, and interesting guy, and then BAM! You’re hit with, “Tuesdays not good for me, I’ve got a meeting with my parole officer!’ Thanks, but no thanks.
So now we know what a Fatal Line is. How can we avoid them?
Sadly ladies and gents, there isn’t any way of avoiding such heinous onslaughts from Bad Daters. If, however, you are one of the Bad Daters -Stop! Think about what you say before you open your mouth!
Gushing about another recent date isn’t attractive, and I don’t care about your ex and their problems right now! Jeeze!
- Here are my top ten tips for when you’re out dating;Â Always take chewing gum. No one likes making out with bad breath, especially after coffee.
- Be interesting. Have a couple of things about yourself that you feel comfortable talking about.
- Don’t over talk. Find a balance between talking and actually listening to what the other person is saying.
- Be polite. Offer to pay for the coffee/drink/cinema.
- Don’t expect too much. Go in with an open mind and a smile, you may come away with more.
- Avoid talking about your ex/previous relationships. Fatal Line material…
- Do NOT be late. Big no no!
- Don’t be too eager. Leave it a while before saying that you had fun and want to meet again.
- Have an excuse to leave. Just in case the date is REALLY bad.
- Be yourself. Enough said.
So there it is folks, ten easy ways to get the best from a date.
Follow this little guide and you’re almost certain to enjoy your date. If, however, your date goes terribly wrong, I want to hear about it!
Email me and tell me your bad dating stories, Fatal Lines and cringe worthy moments. But don’t tell me about happy endings. I’m still single and bitter.
Ollie Pincott
