In today’s fast-paced world, it’s impossible to keep up with precisely which holiday we’re up to. When did Father’s day happen? Department stores are bringing out Christmas decorations already? Halloween is tomorrow? Wait, Halloween is tomorrow?! Fear not, intrepid reader! Here at OUTinPerth, we’ve got five Halloween costume ideas that will strike fear into the hearts of your contemporaries and take only ten minutes to prepare.

• Dead Tegan and/or Sara: Obviously this works best in pairs, but if you’re flying solo choose a favourite twin and style your hair accordingly. Give your face an appropriate shade of death pallor using whatever makeup or baking flour you have on hand and draw on approximations of your twin’s tattoos with a biro for added realism. You could also make yourself a little felt heart like in the ‘Walking with a Ghost’ video, cut it jagged down the middle, glue it to your shirt and tell everybody you died of a broken heart.

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• Bad Drag Queen: This is quite possibly both the easiest and scariest of the bunch. Spend five minutes doing your face using your non dominant hand and wear your most ill-fitting dress. Bonus points for an Alaska Thunderfuck ‘Your Makeup is Terrible’ shirt or Gia Gunn-style wonky lashes.

• The Westboro Baptist Church: Make a sign that says ‘God Hates Fags’ and wear a pair of tracksuit pants in a depressing colour. Job done.

• The Closet: Get a cardboard box, draw some doors on the front and cut out a head hole. I said these were quick, not good.
• Pussy Riot: You don’t need any hair or makeup to be a member of everyone’s favourite Russian outlaw feminist punk band. Just nick your mum’s tea cosy and cut out some eye holes.

• The Day After the Pride Parade: Get out all your best rainbow apparel and glitter. Draw some bags under your eyes using eyeshadow or whatever materials you have handy. Bonus points for realism if you lose a shoe and pass out in the gutter.

So there you have it. Five Halloween costumes that’ll cost you under ten dollars and ten minutes. You’re welcome. What will you wear to scare this Halloween?

Sophie Joske