Some of you may recall that the news of my homosexuality hit my mother quite hard. So hard in fact that unbeknownst to me she went to see the doctor. She wanted to understand it; she wanted to know where she might have gone wrong.
You may also recall that she was allocated the responsibility of informing Dad I was gay. Not 100 per cent sure if she’d mustered the words yet, I thought it best I bridge the topic with him before the Melbourne lass I was dating came for a visit. So, one car journey I just came out with it. “Dad, I’m not sure if Mum has spoken with you yet but my girlfriend is coming to visit from the east. Do we need to talk about it?”
My father responded. “No, we don’t. What’s there to talk about? It’s your life. You’re making the decisions you need to be happy and true to yourself and I can’t ask more than that.” I was floored by his response but it made me wonder how a piece of news could be so shocking to my mother yet water off a duck’s back for Dad.
I spoke with one of my sisters about the situation, and she informed me that Mum had secretly been quizzing her about lesbian fornication. And then it dawned on me. When she discovered I was gay, mum felt as though she’d lost one of her girls. She’d lost one of the ways in which we identified; one of the spiritual truths she assumed we had shared. My lesbianism seemed to somehow threaten and challenge her truth. Have you ever noticed that upon revelation some mothers seem quite delighted to have a gay son whilst the fathers struggle greatly?
I think this reflects on overarching concepts of masculinity and femininity. Mum automatically assumed that, now I was gay, it was just a matter of time before I got myself a buzz cut, some power tools and a G-Star RAW membership card.
But as with many lesbians, homosexuality only changed who I shared my bed with. I still enjoyed floor-length frocks, pedicures and watching Streisand films. And I’m pleased to say that it didn’t take Mum too long to come around. My last partner would spend the weekend at our family home and cook everyone dinner. She spent Christmas with us, came on our holidays and was really welcomed as part of the family. So much so that when we broke up my mum was truly devastated. She felt as though she’d lost a son. Undercut, high-pressure hose and Herringbone shirt collection included.
Sadie Spade
