Can’t get enough of your love (toy), babe.
A recent poll amongst friends revealed that sex toys are not as common in lesbian relationships as I had previously thought. A very sexually accomplished acquaintance of mine guestimated that in her fifteen years of rudie nudie research marital aids only factored in about ten per cent of the time. Given my own experience delivers a one hundred per cent rating, this came as quite the surprise. And it got me to thinking about sex toy etiquette. What are the guidelines for hygiene, storage and lifespan? And how does one best introduce an aid into the bedroom environment?
First and foremost, I think it’s important to be on a first name basis with your relationship’s third party. ‘Darling, hand me the dildo’ can seem a little crude and obvious so creating a personality for your bedroom helper – preferably based on its appearance or function – makes for a more refined and polite introduction. Take for example the strap-on. Referring to it as Barry White (that man is sex on a stereo, after all) lets your partner know what you’re in the mood for without having to use its brutish descriptor.
When it comes to storage, I’ve known girls to keep their accoutrement of choice in anything from a sock to a shoe bag to a few metres of cling wrap (surprisingly yet to make it into Glad’s national advertising campaign). Irrespective of casing, the general consensus is the best place to home it is in the top drawer of your nightstand or in amongst your knickers. Personally, I find the latter most fitting, given that it is also stashed in amongst your knickers when being put to good use.
And speaking of use, when a relationship ends it’s only polite that so too does the employment of any shared toys. As lesbians, we have the option of a perfectly pristine, unused appendage with each new partner. Why not take it? Whilst this may prove very expensive for serial shaggers, hygiene really is paramount and second-hand sex toys are hardly a turn-on. A heavily recycled dildo is really just the silicone version of a cheap slut.
Finally, given the views of my aforementioned friend, this Lezzon will only be relevant to ten per cent of female readers I’d like to take the opportunity to apologise to the other ninety per cent. Apologise and then encourage them to help even out the numbers. Barry needs you.
Sadie Spade
