There are many reasons why people seek out an HIV test. For some, HIV testing is part of their regular heath routine, while for others the beginning of a new relationship can be an impetus to get tested. Whatever the reason, waiting for an HIV test result can be stressful – particularly if you know that you have placed yourself at risk.
For most people, everything will be fine. But for about thirty gay men in WA each year, the scenario turns out differently.
‘I have your results. Unfortunately they have come back HIV positive.’
For most, those words are followed by shock as they think, ‘Could this be a mistake?’ or ‘Oh f%#$ – what happens now?’
You may feel life is out of control, and many thoughts will race through your mind. However, your doctor is a professional and will do their best to appropriately support, educate and refer you to one of the teaching hospitals (usually Royal Perth or Fremantle) and a counsellor. As HIV is a notifiable disease, which means it must be reported to health authorities, confidentiality and contact tracing may quickly emerge as issues for you. Health professionals will discuss contact tracing in more detail with you, but you may find that disclosure is a serious concern initially.
Even though you may accept your role in preventing further transmissions, you may find the personal cost high. But with counselling, education and peer support you will get through it in the long run.
People who are newly diagnosed with HIV are often turned off sex completely and a sense of feeling infectious and dirty can emerge. After my HIV diagnosis, the first time I saw my blood and cum, I remember thinking ‘this could kill now.’ Irrational and exaggerated feelings of infectiousness can be very damaging to your personal well-being if left unresolved. Existing relationships can break down completely. Self imposed isolation to protect others can reduce your support and your social confidence and skills.
As human beings we can have diverse emotional responses to being newly diagnosed. Some press the panic button, while a few choose a more self destructive or self sabotaging path. Happily others choose a path of personal growth and empowerment. Facing our mortality provides us with unique opportunities. We can identify with our strong independent and resilient nature, but at the same time embrace our vulnerability, compassion and the need for each another.
