So you’ve met the man of your dreams again, only this time it turns out he’s living with HIV. At first your cool about it: “Hey, he can’t help what he has, right?” and “It’s not like I’ve never barebacked, it could happen to anyone.”. Still annoying irrational 80’s thoughts keep creeping in. “I don’t want to die”. You rattle and shake the thought, after all you know that people with HIV now live for an almost normal life span. You also know you’re not alone, nearly 60% of poz guys who are in a relationship have a neg partner.
Still it’s time to brush up on your sexual education. Poz guys are not always born natural educators. You consider your options, WA AIDS Council educators “community friendly and free”, HIV specialist nurses and doctors “may cost, time limits”, Internet “mmm, better go to reputable sites”. You take all the options, but find your mate Josh who’s been in a pos-neg relationship for 3 years the best source.
With your knowledge refreshed and your confidence up, you continue to have intimacy and sex with your partner- “you’re so fucking hot” -minus all the angst you initially started with. After 6 months your emotional connection is now so strong you contemplate how cruel life would be without the constant love you create and accept from one another. Your desire for full, natural sex builds within, you share your thoughts with your partner only to find him adamant. “You don’t need to prove your love by barebacking”. He expresses his personal fears over transmission. “One of us with HIV is one too many, I want you safe for a life time.” He gets upset and you realise that he still has some of his own personal healing to do. The conversation brings you even closer as he communicates in more detail than ever his personal story and journey.
It finally happens, your partner’s worst fears, 9 months into the relationship, the condom broke. You have big discussions on what it could mean, what would change if you too were to have HIV. You decided to love each other no matter what. Secretly you’re glad it came to pass, as you wanted to experience all of him. Also you know that because he has an undetectable viral load, it’s almost impossible for him to pass on HIV and the risk is nearly zero. Still, you front up to the hospital emergency department, after asking about your circumstances and checking you’re within the 72 hours of the potential exposure, they give you PEP. A month’s worth of HIV medication to prevent HIV from potentially establishing itself.
You decide to be proactive and make an appointment with a knowledgeable and community friendly doctor. You discuss with him the potential of having a home starter kit: “the hospital drama feels completely unnecessary”. The pills in your case were easy to take, your result is still neg. You chat with your doctor whether you could have daily Truvada, a HIV pill that you read can reduce by 90% plus that chance of getting HIV if exposed. It kinda makes sense to you to do whatever you can to be with the man you love. Some family and friends have been supportive, some not so. Your partner trusted that you would only tell people you needed to talk things through. He’s still sensitive about who knows, and after some of the reactions from close friends you now understand why.
It’s now been almost a year, It’s funny how little you think about HIV now. Most of the time you’re playing, going out to dinner with friends and having fun with your partner. Talk has started about moving in together, his place is nicer, but you’re definitely the better cook. You’re happier than ever, the decision to love rather than stay scared has been worth it.
Cipriano Martinez
