Since Adam bit into the apple and stuffed it up for all of us, modesty preservation has become second nature. Even today, popular culture refers back to this event (see the simulated sexual lifestyle scene in ‘But I’m a Cheerleader’); however, in real life, we’ve moved on. So, what are we really wearing down there?
Primary research always serves well, so it was off to a few mates’ places to do some undercover investigation. After a dozen coffees and some surreptitious digging around the girls’ drawers (literally), I uncovered a few surprises.
Some of my sportier counterparts swear by Mossimo, citing ‘the waistband is really comfortable’. The business sisters’ drawers had no rhyme or reason (with the exception of an interesting trend discussed at the end of this expose), and they generally favoured anything cotton (preferably seamless) that sits well under business wear. However, Calvin Klein mid-brief hipsters popped up in a couple of professional drawers (‘They are probably made out of some kind of nasty polyester, but they feel all silky on my butt’). Hilariously, my most conservative friend confessed she was partial to Bonds’ Brights and disco glitter embellished models in her down time. Although some admitted to grappling with G-strings when required, they weren’t a firm favourite with this group. Similarly, I discovered (as an aside) we weren’t getting Brazilians to look good in underwear! Some of my younger friends admitted to wearing mens’ briefs, either as a fashion statement (Playboy and Bonds were popular here) or because they were poor students (Rio 3pack or cheaper still, commando).
While it appears that the bikini brief is almost extinct – but occasionally going commando is not, it may well be insufficient evidence of a major swing in the pantie preferences. One thing which did surface, however – and not necessarily so much as a trend, but presumably in support of a quality product – is that we are all still partial to that old staple, the Bonds boy leg… or variations thereof (see Target’s sexier version with a touch of lace detail).
So what does this say about us? Well, fundamentally, it says that to try to assimilate us into an underwear wearing demographic with similar tastes and preferences is futile. This is probably why no one has tried. We are all as individual in our tastes in underwear as we are in our daily lives.
The only real trend emerging from the illicit expose of the undercover lives of others was more about our placement habits. When rifling through top drawers, it quickly emerged that placement in the drawer says as much about personal preference as that underwear itself, and this doesn’t seem to vary much from one dyke to the next (so this finding may resonate).
Your semi-comfortable smalls take pride of place folded nicely at the front, but a bit of patient digging uncovers the really slouchy, even more comfortable ‘weekend daks’, which are almost always towards the back of the drawer. The natural habitat of the weekend daks is beneath something you bought because it looks damn hot but have never actually worn because it is all kinds of wrong after only 15 minutes of wear.
Findings at this stage are, however, preliminary, and volunteers are always welcome to assist with further research!
