Megan Smith’s highly (un)reliable report of this month’s sporting news.
Footy: It was a month of epic showdowns. In the West Coast Derby – a match as full of punch-ups as a Jerry Springer highlight reel – Freo was as bad as their colour scheme; Michael Phelps ‘f*cked’ on camera; and yet again, the Eagles belted out the league’s worst club song. Meanwhile, gloating over Collingwood’s ANZAC Day victory, Magpie fans proved to be as fun as their feathered namesake’s nesting season.
Cricket: At the Cricket World Cup Finals, Australia defeated Sri Lanka in a match that was boring even by ‘test match on radio’ standards. Playing with what was, according to Crikey.com.au, a squash ball in his glove, Adam Gilchrist hinted at his bisportuality. With this encouraging development, bisportuals everywhere are garnering the courage to finally come out of locker room showers…
Basketball: The NBA playoffs have started. Based on whose nicknames would make the best gay club night, I’m predicting Spurs over the Pistons and a Wild West afterparty with an abundance of assless chaps.
Gridiron: 365gay.com reported this month that retired American gridiron man Bill Romanowski will now be playing the field as a gay cowboy in the movie ‘Weiners’. I’m sure we’ll all be holding our breath to discover whether the attempt to avoid casting a snag as weiner was successful….
Golf: Channel 10 has taken over broadcasting major golf tournaments from channel 9. Golf audiences, however, have yet to wake up from their afternoon nap to actually switch channels. Note to the networks: To captivate the lesbian market as well as the clad in plaid crowd, consider airing Girls Gone Wild: the Dinah Shore Weekend.
Snooker: Melbourne recently hosted arguably the world’s ballsiest sporting competition – the World Snooker Championships. Oddly, all in attendance were fans of champion Ronnie O’Sullivan’s stick handling, Elton John and congo lines. (Source: Crikey.com.au)
