Imagine the scene, a dinner party for eight a mixture of old friends and new acquaintances. One of the guests lives with HIV, which is known only to the host.
How do you respond to an ignorant or discriminating remark about HIV made during the dinner conversation? Does your response change depending on whether you are negative or the person living with HIV?
Every situation is different and there are many variables in play to consider. As a person living with HIV I have experienced the beginnings of an adrenalin rush as my body responds to the fight, freeze or flight response to something that may be potentially threatening. I normally breathe through my initial reaction and then, in a more grounded way, begin to process what it is I would like to do.
In my ideal world someone other than me would pipe up and gently go through the process of understanding the prejudice, deconstructing the old belief and reinserting a more socially inclusive and compassionate new belief. However often the ideal world does not present and we may choose to protect our psycho-social well being by; keeping a low profile, making a personal note of the individual, their prejudice and the prospect that his close friends may hold similar views and then giving the individual and his friends a wide birth should you meet again at any future social events. Although this strategy temporarily relieves any immediate and pending negative consequences, over time it could lead to increased levels of social isolation and feelings of being unaccepted and disempowered.
Another strategy could be to challenge the prejudice through questioning. For example, ‘Wow do you really believe that, how did you come to that understanding?’ or ‘Is that source of information reliable or hyped up media?’ or ‘Do you have close friends with HIV that you have been able to test your theory with?’ or ‘Is what you’re describing more an isolated case or something that we can generalise about?’ Through the guise of an enquiring mind often the seeds of change can be planted.
A more direct approach is challenging through direct disclosure. This can sometimes feel like coming out for a second time. With practise this strategy can be a very empowering process. On the downside once disclosure occurs you leave yourself wide open to gossip and at worst a personal attack. On the upside, personal disclosure is a very powerful mechanism for change. What it can communicate is that ‘I am acceptable’. Prejudices held can easily be challenged in a person with direct experience. As the alternative view is voiced, the person with prejudice now has an opportunity to re-evaluate their position and change in a meaningful way. It communicates to others that prejudice will go challenged and is unacceptable. Your strength of character is demonstrated which increases your self esteem and feelings of empowerment.
Whether you live with HIV or are negative, ultimately your response is neither right nor wrong, but a choice at any given point in time and context. Who do you choose to be today? More often than not I choose an empowered journey. Who needs a top up?
Cipri Martinez
