In a lot of circles admitting that you met your latest online is a sure fire way of getting tagged a total loser. Online dating has been around since the 1990s, but it has grown markedly in the last decade and a half and the sites that offer such services are diverse. But is online dating like fast food? Is it just another way of providing instant gratification for a generation with a short attention span? Or does it just represent a broader trend in the way people communicate with each other?
What did people do before gaydar or pinksofa? Well, there was always the old way of going out to a gay venue, getting drunk, showing off, and maybe taking someone home with you. Or meeting romantic partners through a friend of a friend at a house party in the suburbs. Those are fairly safe options, but what if you’ve already met all your friend’s friends and have given up drinking?
There’s always the romantic movie scenario based on a combination of luck and flirting skills: chatting up the pretty service attendant who set your gaydar ringing when her hand lingered as she handed over the change. The problem is that my gaydar is screwy, and I have trouble taking a subtle hint like that – a girl has to pash me or something equally obvious for me to realise she likes me. Basically, ot has to be a slap in the face to overcome my self-doubt.
Online profiles help a little bit, because they will say, “single, lesbian, looking for a relationshipâ€Â. There’s no guessing about that stuff. Maybe me wanting that information in advance is like wanting to stand in a fast food restaurant and stare up at the menu board, picking the burger I want by its illuminated name and display photo. But the burger never quite looks like the photo, and the ingredients aren’t spelled out. The reality might be a sagging, soggy bun and an overdose of preservatives; the same might be true of an online date. If you’re after a once-off bit of drive-thru fun then that might be fine, but what of more meaningful relationships?
Online dating has other shortcomings unique to queers – the GBLTI community in Perth is tiny. The subset of single lesbians is even smaller, and chances are, if they have an online profile you have probably already met them in real life at some point. It is almost ‘the scene online’ – an online version of those same girls you would meet out at the pub. You could send messages to your ex’s ex – the one you met and thought was a total tosspot, and it might take a week for you both to figure it out – what a waste of energy! The major advantage though, is the ‘greenskin’ aspect. A lot of women who are just coming out get onto the Internet first. It’s not as scary as taking that first step over the threshold of The Court Hotel. They may be very eligible single girls, and if you’re online, you get the first crack at them!
Some believe that those who resort to online dating have no social skills. There is something to be said about online chivalry and flirting though. Call me a snob, but I am really turned off by someone who can’t spell, or write sentences that make sense. “I tink I lik u, lol†is not going to get you very far with me. If you write me messages entirely in CAPITALS I am likely to delete them and forget about you. Lame poetry won’t get you over the line either (roses are red, violets are blue, I’m glad that you, are online too!). To do well in the online dating scene you need to be articulate, creative and honest! And of course, the best part, you can get away with saying a lot of things you might get slapped for in real life.
Is online dating fast food? Maybe that depends entirely on your attitude towards it. If it’s just for a quick pick up and a fun night, then yes, maybe it is. But if you’re looking for something more, invest a little time, and have a little luck (and do some networking to make sure that it isn’t your ex’s ex before you start down that road), then maybe, just maybe, you’ll find something really damn good.
