Unfortunately domestic abuse happens within relationships in our community. It is important to know the signs and dynamics of an abusive/violent relationship and what to do if you or a friend is in a volatile, dangerous and abusive situation.
Relationships are considered abusive when one partner uses power, domination, and manipulation to gain control over the other. The following checklist identifies some uses of power and control which indicate an abusive relationship;
– Humiliation e.g.; calling you names in an effort to hurt you.
– Threats e.g.; threatening to physically attack you, or threatening to ‘out’ you in regard to sexuality, gender identity, or HIV status to family or work.
– Isolation e.g.; preventing you from spending time with family and friends.
– Volatility e.g.; sudden outbursts of anger, damage to your property.
– Jealousy e.g.; becoming jealous, over-protective and suspicious for no reason.
– Control e.g.; controlling your money and finances without your consent.
– Violence e.g.; pushing, slapping, hitting, or kicking you, your children, or your pets.
– Sexual assault e.g.; forcing you to engage in sexual acts that you are not willingly consenting to.
People who are in relationships with a partner who uses power, control and manipulation may end up trying to keep the abusive partner happy in a number of ways. For example they might change their appearance, avoid discussing issues that lead to outbursts from their partner, stop seeing family and friends, and feel scared, anxious, and depressed. Even if the person tries their hardest to please their partner, the cycle of abusive outburst, making up, calm, build up of tension and abusive outburst inevitably continues. People in abusive relationships often end up feeling that they are ‘damned if I do, and damned if I don’t’. Abusive and violent relationships do not generally get better with time, if anything the cycle of abuse often worsens.
If you believe you or a friend are in an abusive relationship, it is very important to get more information, come up with a safety plan and seek help. In an emergency call the Police on 000. For more information about staying safe you can contact the Men’s Domestic Violence Helpline on 1800 000 599, or Women’s Domestic Violence Helpline on 1800 007 339. For further support contact WA AIDS Council 9482 0000, The Roe St Center 9228 3693, Gay and Lesbian Community Services 9420 7201, Perth Inner City Youth Services 9388 2792, or The Freedom Center (Youth) 9228 0354.
Information and resources can also be found through the Same Sex Domestic Abuse website www.ssdag.org.au
Ben Bradstreet
