After a brush with what he is sure was the bubonic plague, OUTinPerth columnist Brett Dias explains the upside of being sick: Mum’s TLC and the three kilos he lost as a result of an involuntary colonic irrigation.
Recently, I was so sick I thought I was going to die. In between fits of nausea, shakes and the 39 degree temperature, I tried to imagine I was on one of those celebrity detox programs. I can’t exactly remember what the doctor told me I had because, while he casually jotted down my prescription, I had my head in his toilet bowl hurling out my vital organs. He didn’t seem too phased, but I was certain it was either the Ebola virus or bird flu.
The thing I find with being sick is that while everyone felt sorry for me, no one – including the doctor – wanted to come within a five kilometer radius. It’s kind of like the pity someone might have for a person with leprosy – they feel kind of bad for the afflicted but they would be damned before they got to close. The only exception to this rule is, of course, Mum.
Meds are great, but nothing soothes quite like Mum’s head massages, hot cups of tea and words of comfort. So on Mother’s Day I’d like to say thanks for rubbing my back, while I’m projectile vomiting like a 21-year-old after a birthday bash.
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Relationships between gay children and their mother’s often reflect the changing dynamics of families. My friends Liz and Gen have a beautiful apartment in Highgate, a healthy gay relationship and are both close to their mothers. If they were not such nice girls, this would be reason enough for me to hate them. Liz’s mother Ruth has a wonderfully accepting attitude, the type the gay community should seek to celebrate this Mother’s Day. As she told me, ‘We’re just happy that they are so happy and that they love each other so much. I’d love it if they had kids because I wouldn’t mind becoming a grandmother’.
Mum’s, like Ruth, deserve the best this Mother’s Day. Here are three tips:
- For the fashionable mum… Ugg Boots – because it turns out we don’t treat our sheep so badly after all. Who knew?
- For the mum you never have enough time for… Lunch Together – Pick a scenic spot, perhaps by the river or a tea room near the Ocean. Because no present can replace quality time together.
- For the mum always on the go… A Day Spa – Mother’s Day calls for maternal influences everywhere to be pampered, pampered, pampered.
