Wanting to Believe that the return of the X-files was a glorious thing, die hard X-fileophile Gavin Pitts was a more than willing reviewer for the latest from the X-files. The plot was kept tightly under wraps… the excitement on the webosphere was mounting… and then…

A truly disappointing film that in no way makes up for the lacklustre final two seasons of a once great TV show. The whole thing seems to be mostly composed of people going through the motions for a quick buck- it didn’t ‘feel’ like an X FILES at all (no conspiracies or aliens is fine – but no monsters, no suspense or even definitively paranormal events? What’s the point?).

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Everyone except David Duchovny, who tries his best to introduce some passion and humour into a film markedly devoid of it otherwise, and an underused but great Billy Connolly as a vision-beset Paedophile Priest, is just doing this on autopilot. Particularly bad is a career-worst performance from Gillian Anderson as Scully – the formerly capable and clever scientist now only comes across as a strident, overly religious, whiny roadblock for Mulder to overcome. This is a huge departure from the TV series, one which makes their re-kindled love affair as unbelievable (and unwelcome for fans of a more interesting plot involving Krycek) as it was on TV. Anderson’s whole performance is so unwilling that she might as well be wearing a tee-shirt reading ‘I Do Not Want To Be Here But I Needed Me Some Walking Around Money’.

As for the lame ‘paranormal’ goings on- shady Russian Doctors experimenting with severed limbs would have been a great place to reintroduce the sorely missed Alex Krycek to the franchise, but instead we get a tired (and quite offensive to us Gay folk) subplot involving married (in Massachusetts, no less), gay psychopaths. Admittedly, Callum Keith Rennie does his best to inject some humanity into an otherwise cartoon cutout queer villain. Rennie’s performance makes you believe (heh) that he’s doing what he’s doing out of love and fear for his (non-speaking role) boyfriend. Although one mystery is why Rennie’s character is trying to transplant his cancer-riddled boyfriend’s head onto a younger, healthier *woman’s* body? Like the film, the operation seems rushed and pointless.

Three out of ten. One star each for Duchovny, Rennie and Connolly. If you’re a hardcore fan of the show like me this will only disappoint you, much like seasons Eight through Nine. Resist. Don’t serve!

Visit the official site www.xfiles.com