Horoscopes

ARIES (MAR 21 – APR 19)

There’s something brewing Aries, and it isn’t ram stew. Or is it? Well, let’s put it this way – if you don’t pay attention to your partner’s needs this month, you will be in a stew. And I’m not talking the aromatic, slow-cooking kinda stew either, although there will be a wafting smell coming from your projects as they simmer on the backburner. Around the 8th and 14th you can expect excitement and news in regards to work. Importance and recognition are a dish best served hot… and with a sprig of rosemary… and a dash of thyme. (more…)

ARIES (MAR 21 – APR 19)

When last we left off you were in the midst of a delusional psychosis, one which saw you thinking you were a can of flat lemonade. A can of flat Diet Coke if you were lucky. Has anything changed? Well dear readers, it appears that, yes…things are on the up for all you Rams out of there. Friends, love, children…they all feature big this August. Even with the prospect of love you manage to get a whole heap of work done. Watch out for fireworks on the 19th. All that explodes isn’t necessarily good. Til’ next time. (more…)

ARIES (MAR 21 – APR 19)

You’re flat lemonade this month, Aries. Flat diet coke if you’re lucky. Whatever your flavour – and kilojoule intake – one thing is certain: you’ve lost your fizz this July. How to get the bubbles back so that you’re more effervescent? Hmmmm… short of sucking on a carbonating canister? Stick it out. Yes, it’s that simple. Everything about you this month says ‘slow down, little Ram, slow down’. And you should! Because if you don’t reality will slow you down instead, and the last thing any of us want is reality messing with us. Damn reality. Why live in the real world when you can be a flat can of lemonade, hey Aries? (more…)

ARIES (MAR 21 – APR 19)

June is not the month to idly get caught with your hand on your balls… unless you’re juggling them! Even then, you may have too many balls in motion, dear Ram. Yes, it seems there is such a thing as too many balls. The heat’s turned up this month so be aware of some hot fun, some hotter play and the hottest romance. But only if you’re willing to chase that bouncing ball… or balls, as the case may be. (more…)

ARIES (MAR 21 – APR 19) - Go, ram, bleat or baa or do whatever it is that brings your little Rammy heart joy. May is all about spontaneity. There will be matters surrounding your wallet plus matters surrounding your spirit and that which makes it sing – or some similarly joyous barnyard sound. Let your extrovert out (like it needs an invitation!). Be aware of drama drama drama all around. Back up those horns, dear Ramsey, and go easy on work colleagues. Baaaaaaaaa! (more…)

ARIES (MAR 21 – APR 19) - Ah, love, it’s a marvelous thing. Especially when it shines your way. This month sees a big positive bridge of energy build itself between your ball busting ruling planet, Mars, and the softer, more wily and romantic love boat that is Venus. Yes, Ram-face, love is coming your way! Either rekindle passions or watch out for that special someone. Check yourself though – loose lips sink ships and rams can’t swim, especially with all that wool. (more…)

ARIES (MAR 21 - APR 19)

Sanctuary! Sanctuary! Like Frankenstein being pursued by a marauding mob of angry, torch wielding villagers, you seek a little solitude away from the maddening crowd this month Aries. Understandably too: they’re expecting far too much from you, Aries, particularly at work. Hide away in an abandoned church on the 3rd, but be prepared to reconnect with humanity at the end of the month. Despite your hideous patchwork appearance of human limbs, they’ll love with you Franken-ram. By the end of the month you’ll be wearing your heart on your sleeve - or at least have it dangling from your decaying chest. Yes, we’re all a little surprised too that you make a sudden new friend around the 23rd or 25th - maybe love is blind…. (more…)

AQUARIUS (JAN 20 – FEB 18)

Lo, Aquarius, there’s something very special going on with you. It seems that this month you’re just like a big cosmic water cooler, with your quirky nature bubbling to the surface. Yes, let others sip on your cool, refreshing personality at work or play all February because the stars are making you quite irresistible and glamorous. To celebrate your birthday, why not throw an act of random kindness into the mix? Do so and you may thank these lucky stars for throwing someone too good to be true your way. Happy birthday – you deserve them! (more…)

Capricorn (Dec 21 - Jan 19)

What is a ‘sea-goat’ Capricorn?! I mean really – a ‘sea-goat’? That is Capricorn’s logo after-all: some half-drowned, wretched looking ‘sea-goat’. Well, it’s time for a change thanks to 2008 – the year of transformation! Become a walrus, sheep herder or a household object – like a paperweight. Far more useful than a ‘sea-goat’. Just grab 2008 by its wet, barnacled horns and make those changes, be they weight, diet, exercise or the simple fact that you’re a ‘sea-goat’. Sorry, we shouldn’t bully the old ‘sea-goat’, especially since your ruling planet (Saturn) is retrograde until April. (more…)