By Cipri Martinez, WA AIDS Council
The desire, need or right for intimacy, connection and pleasure between men has always been a natural part of life. For many men, this desire is encapsulated within the act of anal sex with their partner. There is also a natural desire, need or right to be alive, hence the desire for self protection as well as the desire to protect others.
Along came HIV which, when left untreated, is fatal to most within 5-12 years. Individuals, couples and our communities responded. We adapted our sexual cultures as best we could, given our desires, needs and knowledge. For most single men or men with multiple partners this meant a condom every time for penetrative anal sex, to prevent semen and blood exchange. Some couples chose to remain monogamous so they could continue to have anal sex without condoms. Others negotiated safe sex outside of relationships but unprotected sex within relationships. Some chose abstinence. However no strategy, and there are many variations, is perfect as eventually circumstances change, guys get horny and desires change.
So how is adaptation playing out in 2011? We now have medications that in general will lead most who are diagnosed with HIV to have an almost normal life expectancy. However this needs to be balanced by the side effects of HIV medication and ongoing inflammatory impacts from HIV which may lead to quality of life adjustments for some. We also have medication that can dramatically reduce, but not eliminate, the infectiousness of most people with HIV.
Some individuals, couples and communities continue to assimilate new knowledge and create new strategies. It is not uncommon when cruising pickup sites such as Gaydar or Manhunt, to find some profiles that describe safe sex preferences as ‘needs discussion’. There are many ways to consider this preference. A person living with HIV could assume that the person behind the profile lives with HIV and has a preference for bareback sex. Likewise a person who doesn’t live with HIV could assume the person is negative and simply has a preference for bareback sex. This strategy can be useful in helping people find similar HIV status partners. However incorrect assumptions can lead people, with or without HIV, to inadvertently create a chance for HIV transmission.
In order for any discussion between guys to be optimal, it is recommended that you disclose your own status and how many bareback episodes you have had since your last HIV and STI check up. Ask yourself whether you would even remember this information. How forthcoming do you think you would be in situations where you were horny and trying to pick up, or if you were wanting chem sex and were already high.
Even when you put ‘always safe’ in your profile, you may be confronted with a desire to have bareback sex when you meet. So the same mistaken assumptions and imperfect strategies could apply thereby increasing your risk. The important thing is that honest discussion takes place where assumptions are tested without placing moral values on what is right or wrong. What really exists is a diversity of values regarding risks, how they are weighted and whether people are prepared to accept consequences.
In some European countries like Germany and Spain the weight of HIV prevention is placed on guys without HIV and that if you take chances and bareback you would be responsible for the consequences. In Australia the weight of HIV prevention is shared. I would like to believe that we can still do our best to get our needs met whilst protecting ourselves and each other. The responsibility is shared just as is the shared hope that there is less and less HIV in our communities.
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