Just so everyone is on the same page, it’s NOT ok to approach a complete stranger and ask said stranger if you can suck on his ears. This only has the potential to work if your name starts with Jake and ends in Gyllenhaal. Failing that, maybe Brendan matched with Fevola.
You get the picture.
There’s certainly something to be said for confidence – maybe even a little cheek – but when it comes to communication there’s a fine line and if you don’t know what you’re doing you risk coming across as foolish, cheap, creepy… really the list is endless of how bad you can look.
Thus, when I was recently at a local drag performance and a nice young guy enquired if he could suck on my ears when I asked him for a lighter, I was taken aback. How do you respond to something like that? And before you ask, yes, he was serious (it’s a fetish of his).
However, this was not an isolated incident. Last weekend at Connections, I encountered the gay man’s version of navy boys docking on our shores and looking for a good time –the horny air steward. He was here for a short time, had a four star hotel and needed some action. He asked if I was single and pounced when I said yes – he had barely learnt my name, struggling with ‘Brett’ and settling with ‘Fred’, and yes, he was perfectly sober.
Both lads crossed the line between confident and arrogant and it wasn’t a pretty picture as a result. Some boys never learn.
What happened to charm? Wit? Banter? What happened to sensual and polite conversation? Has the industrial revolution led to bad manners and excuses for a blatant sexual agenda? We live in the age of text messages, emails, Facebook and Myspace. Each device has been designed so we can communicate with as many people in as little time as possible. I’m a huge fan of technology, but has it given us the idea that we’re all too busy for a little romance?
To let someone know we’re thinking of them, we often send a text. If we’re slightly neurotic we might even call and hang up so they have a missed call on their phone – but that’s a different talk show altogether. Technology has made us bad communicators when it comes to old fashioned romance, it’s turned us into cowards and that’s a shame.
When it comes to communicating and romance it’s not about the gift of the gab, it’s about honesty, confidence and simplicity. This is the trick for most of us and a mammoth task.
Trust me on one thing though – any initial conversation that includes you sucking on any part of the other person is deemed for failure. You can’t always fake your way through a conversation, but it’s true that sometimes less is more when communicating. Don’t seem too keen, it’s off putting, but do seem (or even better, be) genuinely interested. Guys I know see right through cheese involving how great their smile is or how sexy they are – compliments like this too soon look cheap and insincere. Don’t say it even if you want to.
When it comes down to it there’s nothing like a little mystery, so play it cool. That way he might even dig your ear fetish…so long as you can do what you say.
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Care to make your own indecent proposal? E-mail Brett.
