In the lead up to Valentine’s Day GLCS takes a look at one of the most common reasons people call their phone counselling line – difficulties meeting new people, and, above all, finding a partner.
What are some of the common difficulties callers face and the ‘roadblocks’ that can sabotage their search for a partner?
Culprit #1: Internalised homophobia
This isn’t just a clichéd academic concept dreamt up by a frumpy social worker who doesn’t get out much. This is a very real and nasty saboteur that lurks inside every one of us. Want to see it in action? Select ten www.gaydar.com or www.manhunt.com profiles at random. I guarantee at least five will be a ‘normal’ guy looking for other ‘straight-acting’ men. (I have no doubt that gaydar girls and the pink sofa have as many women looking for ‘real’ women). To make this as clear as day – the only people on gay chat sites who have to specify that they are ‘normal’ are those who think most gay and lesbian people aren’t!!
Culprit #2: Sexism, racism, ageism
Again, check out gaydar profiles for the ubiquitous ‘no oldies, fatties, femmes or Asians’ qualifier. If you only want to meet ‘hot’ white ‘straight-acting’ guys aged 20 to 21, then it’s not surprising you might be finding it difficult to build new friendships!
Culprit #3: The desperate search for a partner
Desperation is never a good look! Focussing exclusively on finding a partner, as if shopping for a new sofa, is a recipe for disaster. Except for the lucky few, most of us have to put ourselves out there a bit before we meet someone we click with.
Culprit #4: It’s everyone/everything else’s fault (i.e., ‘the scene’; ‘boring Perth’).
Let’s be clear – you can’t blame a city for not having a partner. This is an odd way to think about the world and provides a convenient crux for those avoiding taking positive steps to get out and about and meet new people. This ‘Dullsville excuse’ is often accompanied by the ‘Sydney Gaytopia Fantasy’. No, Sydney is not packed with intelligent, educated hotties just waiting for sad dishevelled gay refugees from Perth to sweep them off their feet. It’s simply a place with four times as many gays and lesbians as Perth… and four times as many people chasing those semi-mythical potential partners.
So what are some tips for getting out there, staying connected and increasing your chances of meeting that special someone?
- Avoid getting stuck in either the ‘non-scene’ or the ‘scene queen’ extremes. Don’t disregard our venues and events, but mix and match from the options to make your own scene.
- Say yes to invites and don’t make excuses not to go to venues or events.
- Volunteer for a community group, join a sporting or social club or take a course.
- Stay connected with the G&L community via our excellent print and online media.
- Think positively and set realistic expectations.
- Go to venues and events to have a good time with friends, not to pick up or to meet your soul mate.
- Be open-minded about who you are willing to meet.
And to think, finding a partner is the easy part! Then there’s the small matter of keeping them…
