There was a time, I am sure, in many of our memories where the concept of using an online dating service was considered in the realm of the desperado…the perennial loser geek. Of course, I find geeks just a little bit hot, so let me highlight that I use the aforementioned term as a culturally recognised stereotype – think Napoleon Dynamite with ADSL 2+. With today’s availability of technological immediacy however, we are able to connect in readily available ways…ways tapped into by a general population where time and instant outcomes are prized commodities. The Facebook revolution has led to a socially sanctioned conduit through which social boundaries are blurred. Think about it – the person you know in passing, the person you’re not sure you’re entitled or comfortable enough to approach in the realm of the real-life interpersonal, becomes a friend on Facebook – and therefore there is the establishment of an opportunity for everyday contact without the limitations of social morays.
Have any of you yet had the experience of going to a real life event post-Facebook link ups, only to find that the warmth and ease with which you are approached and included – and the ease with which you communicate – has increased exponentially as people you knew in passing have become your everyday Facebook buddies? If this is the impact of the increased freedom from inhibition that comes when we communicate electronically, how does Internet dating affect romantic connections?
Consider this – at first, you can present as ANYBODY. I mean this not only in terms of deliberate deception (which is a cybersocial faux pas of the highest order, both gauche and devious, as far as I am concerned), but also in terms of the choices we make about how we present ourselves. When you meet someone in real life, the impression you give is the interaction effect between how you try to present and what the other person garners about you through a face-to-face meeting, through the millions of intangibles that form the signs and signals of interaction. In real life, you don’t choose the image someone first has of you in as prescribed a manner as choosing which photo to put on an Internet dating profile. In real life, you don’t TELL a person your characteristics, they form an impression from real experience, not through the profile you choose to write which presents a crafted first impression (or at least, your deliberate attempt at forming one).
An initial port of call in Internet dating is what you CHOOSE to put across, not what you are unaware of in yourself. What then is the impact when the hidden or unknown aspects of yourself become apparent when real life interaction takes place? In considering navigating Internet dating, it is important to observe all the typical safety considerations: If you are going to meet someone, do it in a public place for a set time period; inform your friends of your whereabouts and the timeframes within which you will contact, etc. It is also important to remember that in some ways, electronic communication can lead to a false sense of intimacy as well as opening a door to more immediate connection; sometimes you can chat for hours with someone online but be startled by having nothing to say in person.
Remember also that whatever you ‘know’ so far about the person can come down to the sum total of what they have chosen to tell you. If you are going to meet, meet with an open mind, but remember the double edged sword that is internet dating – for what you gain in instant information and opportunity for connection can also set you up with expectations that are unrealistic as your perception has been interfered with by the modality of interaction thus far. Remember that a big piece of the puzzle will be missing until you are able to expose yourselves to perceptions and impressions that can only come from real life interaction. In that regard, it is a socially unique playground…and sometimes a cyberjungle out there. Enjoy and play safe.
