The holiday season can be a difficult time for many people. During the Christmas period we are bombarded by images of joy and love and a culture of happy tidings and family togetherness. Such a milieu can highlight and trigger existent issues, as it can serve as a stark and painful contrast to many individual’s circumstances. For many people, families are either dysfunctional or absent and Christmas can accentuate feelings of grief, hurt, isolation and loneliness – hence this period is one of the most dangerous for individuals vulnerable to mental health issues.
What can you do for yourself to feel well in the Christmas season? It is important firstly to realise that the families we grow up in are fairly much fate’s roll of the dice and the old adage holds true: You can’t pick your family but you can pick your friends. Armistead Maupin draws the distinction between ‘biological family’ and ‘logical family’ – that often the stronger or more meaningful bonds can be with one’s ‘chosen family’ if there happens to be dysfunction or mismatch with one’s family of origin. So, surround yourself with good friends and remember that home is where the heart is.
What if you have no close friends? I’d say look around you again and don’t underestimate friendships or the potential for building closer friendships with existing friends and acquaintances. If however you truly feel you have nothing or no one to work with, then (to quote Veronica Schoffstall) ‘paint your own garden and decorate your own soul, rather than waiting for someone to bring you flowers’. Take care of your body by eating well and getting enough sleep. Don’t overdo it on alcohol or drugs if you’re in a bad headspace. Getting pissy over Christmas is fine so long as it’s with friends and for happy reasons (and with taxis on order), but not good if it’s to self medicate or ‘drown your sorrows’. Get some sunshine – even fifteen minutes of sunshine a day releases anti-depressant chemicals in the brain. Check out your local paper and community news for events which are happening in your area and take the plunge – who knows, perhaps meeting other people in your area (or asking your neighbours if they’d like to attend these events too) may be the beginning of a new circle of people in your life. Find out if anyone you know is having a ‘Christmas Orphan’ party – many of these sorts of parties tend to crop up around Christmas time, with a come-one-come-all invitation for all who have no particular plans or place to be for Christmas. If no such plans exist, plan one yourself and put the word out! If not, at least have a nice meal and nice bottle of wine (for those of you who drink) on the day itself – pamper yourself as there is no lesser reason (perhaps there is even greater reason) to go to as much effort for yourself as you would for a houseful of people.
Lastly, if Christmas conjures too many issues for you, seek counselling. Medicare now covers $115 or so of Clinical Psychologist sessions for 12 sessions per calendar year (in exceptional circumstances 18 sessions) under a Mental Health Care Plan. You can seek a Mental Health Care Plan from your GP (when making an appointment ask for an extended consultation). Don’t be afraid to go to the Emergency Department of your closest hospital or call crisis lines if you need help immediately – having such support on hand can be a lifesaver, literally!
Maddalena Torre is a Clinical Psychologist with more than 15 years experience. She is currently working with Hannington Clinical Psychology, a queer friendly workplace in Yokine.
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