As a relationship observationist and part-time participant, it’s my responsibility to bring it to public attention that men throughout Perth are blurring the lines between dating and booty calls. To me this makes about as much sense as President Bush running a country – it just doesn’t work.
I’ve done some asking around and I’m not alone in thinking that this isn’t on – it won’t do and these guys should be stopped. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a booty call for the career minded (it’s otherwise known as time management), but it becomes an issue when people receiving the call think they are in a situation that seems more like dating.
Let’s go through some quick definitions for the people in the back.
Dating is an act between two people that involves props like dinner, drinks and if you’re puritan about it, candlelight and soft romantic music.
A booty call is someone you call at two o’clock Sunday morning because you’re drunk, horny and have a verbal contract with this person. There is no candlelight. There is no soft romantic music. It is a simple transaction.
It’s come to my attention that booty callers are moonlighting as daters and to these people I say ‘How Very Dare You!’
The great thing about rules is that they stop people from getting hurt. Imagine how maimed you’d get if you decided that red traffic lights did not apply to you. You’d soon learn that there was something to be said for learning when to stop and in my experience – the same rules apply to the dating world. Know when to stop.
Let’s go through the definitions one more time.
Dating is for the daters. It’s something nice you do with someone else. You talk about things like politics, Paul McCartney and shoes and you trade interests. Then you get in your car and sigh as you drive home because you’re elated that you met someone nice. That’s dating. You call them back not just for sex but to hang out and get to know that person and shock of shocks, you decide you don’t want to sleep with anyone bar that individual. Here’s a simple test – if you find he only calls you for sex then chances are that’s all he’s after. However, if there’s a spark, then surely the situation could go further – right?
Booty calls are people you have on standby where the chemistry lacks but the sex is still hot and everyone wins. You don’t discuss CD collections, the existence of God or your dysfunctional family because kids, that can be mistaken for DATING. There’s nothing wrong with this arrangement so long as both parties know that it’s the situation they are in. To the booty callers out there – please make yourself clear, otherwise we’ll begin to suspect you’re devious, and you know how quickly word spreads in this town.
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Still confused about those definitions? Email brett@www.outinperth.com and let Brett set you, er, straight.
