Not to be alarmist, but we have a problem. Much like the whales in the oceans across our globe, we have a severe shortage of single datable men, otherwise known as GEBS – Gay Eligible Bachelors. There simply aren’t as many fish in the sea as we were led to believe. And unlike the whales, the scary thing is no one has started a conservation group to protect the few ‘datables’ that are still swimming in the vast sea of the gay dating community.
Collectively we need to make this our single mission or fellas; soon gay eligible bachelors will become a memory. You know who they are, we’ve all heard of them, but not many of us have had the opportunity to meet these endangered creatures.
By day they float around in suits securing large contracts for conglomerates or they swan about in white coats with beacons and Bunsen burners discovering cures and making the world a safer place. By night they enjoy nights out with friends drinking wine or boutique beers. They blend in with the metrosexual footy lads as well as a pumping gay crowd. They are our ideal gay bachelors and guys you’d be proud to show off to your clique or take back to see the folks.
We know who they are, but the question is: where are they? Months ago when I lived in Melbourne I saw a movie about two cowboys caught up in a tragic romance. You know the one. Two gay cowboys in 1960’s redneck America found each other. I was living in the gayest part of Melbourne city circa now and I couldn’t even find a date for Friday night. This spells trouble of us all. So again, where have all the cowboys gone?
This isn’t a problem restricted to the gay community; straight women around the world are finding themselves in the same situation. A famous Sydney columnist recently decided that straight women around Australia were suffering from Waiting for Mr. Darcy Syndrome, or WMD. Surely there is a link between WMD and the lack of GEBs. Surely the correlation suggests that as our expectations in men rises, the lack of decent blokes also increases. It’s a classic example of supply and demand, a simple calculation that any average gay man can handle.
Perhaps like the whales, it’s a situation of over fishing by our international neighbors. I have a friend who has recently moved here from London. Within weeks he has scored himself a GEB. Maybe it was my friend’s accent that had this guy hook line and sinker. It could also be the fact that said friend is also an amazing chef with years of experience from a top London Michelin star restaurant.
So, it seems our GEBs are in need of protecting. My proposal: if one is going to score a GEB; one first needs to become a GEB. The most effective way to do this is to become friends with other gay eligible bachelors. That way we can begin creating a pool that we can all swim in.
There are already enough challenges as a single gay man without having to worry about finding an ideal partner. Life is already complicated enough with the issues of discrimination, political persecution and a hectic social calendar that every gay man faces. When you’re swimming in a dating ocean that has more crabs than fish, a guy needs some back up; this is where good mates come in to share the load (no pun intended).
So, while Jake Gyllenhaal’s gay equivalent is not likely to knock on our doors anytime soon maybe, just maybe, Heath Ledger’s might.
