Aries
Ah, the future. It is happening tomorrow. And the day after. Today? Today you must sit and wait. What will tomorrow bring? More of the same, except that you’ll be spending more time on creative pursuits. So get creative and get ready to pump a little money into such ventures. But that’s not until tomorrow. Until then, just put your feet up and relax.

Taurus
It’s time to get a little serious. Not too serious, but serious enough. Think a slightly stern face, not a full-throttle frown. Nor any harrowing furrows across your forehead. That’s far too serious. No, it’s more of a ponderous seriousness you should adopt, a slight ‘hrmmm’, with a solid jawline, possibly even a little beard scratching. If you don’t have a beard, it’s recommended you buy one. You should always have a good beard on hand.

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Gemini
It’s a month of two minds, and who better to have two minds than you, dear Gemini. The first mind is thinking about going on a holiday and taking some time off for the self. It’s a well deserved jaunt, it’s justified. The other mind, however, laughs at the first and thinks about all the deadlines coming up, all the work to be done, all the opportunities to be milked. How to resolve the matter? Sorry, I’m not your therapist.

Cancer
Jump out of your shell and scuttle the beach to the nearest luau. Yes, get a lei and get a little drunk on fruit punch because it’s time to be the life of the party… and how! That certain charm you have means you be snapping those claws as though they were castanets. But be warned… all the while you are kicking it up, someone will be eyeing you off with nothing more than crab chowder in mind…!

Leo
It’s not too late. It’s never too late. For what you may ask? Well, that’s what you need to figure out. Maybe take a little down time to be receptive and figure out what it is the universe is trying to say. It’s been a bit of a chatterbox lately. Maybe it’s not too late to tune it out completely?! Or maybe it’s simply a case of figuring out your finances. After all, it’s not too late….

Virgo
Slip into that short skirt, the shorter the better. It’s all about making an impression this month and the best way to do that is by revealing a little leg… especially if you are a guy. After all, nothing says classy than a guy in a short skirt. Trust me, I’m in one now, and let me tell you: all my office co-workers are talking about me in the most enviable way, pointing and whispering. The best bit? I didn’t wear any underwear. Excuse me while I cross my legs in front of the whole office.

Libra
Ah, group hug! Seems you take a little time out to tackle the big issues, particularly life and how it should be lived. Which is great, because this assessment goes a long way toward changing your life in ways you want to see it grow. Don’t be afraid to think big. And be honest too. Very honest. After all, putting things into perspective means you can figure out what to do next. Best bit? Friends will be super supportive. So go on… leap.

Scorpio
Running around with a weapon of mass destruction strapped to your back is everyday fare for you, oh hideous one. After all, said weapon is some big league stinger… at least you wish. Oh how you wish. Rather, said weapon is that attitude of yours that you sling around nonchalantly, thinking put-downs and comebacks are the highest form of wit. Why not pull it into check this month? After all, being nice is such a nice change… and you really could do with a change.

Sagittarius
Shine! Oh yeah, baby, shine! Sorry, I’m trying to hit a high C there, but I’m missing the mark dismally. You, however, don’t have the option of missing the mark, dear Centaur. You have to be on the ball and get ready to shine so bright, because it’s time to step up and into the spotlight. It’s also time to reassess the career. Maybe do that before stepping up into the bright lights. Shine! La la la… shine!

Capricorn
Back are we sea-goat. I see. The great many seas can’t hold you back. And nor should they, you’re a sea-goat aren’t you? So now you’re dragging your bedraggled self out of the sea, coughing up seaweed balls and doing all sorts of other goaty things. When you get back to it, be sure not to sweep anything under the rug. The more you can air things, the greater your chances of resolving them.

Aquarius
It’s time to throw yourself into your work. It’s really not that different than throwing yourself in front of a bus. Not that I want you to throw yourself in front of a bus… unless I have actually, personally said that to you at to you at some point, in which case, I apologise. I can be a bit of a bitch. Only a bit. But no, the two are alike: after all, it takes effort to take that leap, and you know it’s going to hurt like hell. And that’s about where the similarities end really… Hmmm, maybe that was a bad analogy.

Pisces
I’m having salmon for dinner. It’s an attractive tasty dish. As are you this month. People will be drawn to and your sultry aroma. And they will be salivating. Oh how they will salivate at the juices just ready to burst out of you as they sprinkle you with cracked pepper and a slice of lemon. Oh, hear it sizzle. Mmmm. I’m hungry now. Dinner time!

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