Twenty tears ago today, actor and writer Timothy Conigrave passed away from AIDS related illnesses just four months before his award-winning memoir, ‘Holding the Man’ was published.
‘Holding the Man’ became widely acclaimed as queer literature and a memoir in its own right since its publication in 1995. At its centre is the love story between its writer, Tim Conigrave and John Caleo.
Conigrave and Caleo met as high school students at Xavier College, an all boys’ school. Caleo was captain of the football team, hence the book’s title. In AFL, the practice of “holding the man” is a transgression and incurs a penalty. The pair, throughout youthful experimentation, geographical relocation and parental opposition, maintain the relationship. Their romance is tragically cut short after, in 1985, they are diagnosed with HIV.
The memoir has become widely known for its frank portrayal of same sex love and the devastation of HIV at a time when discrimination remained widespread and the disease was highly stigmatized and little understood.
‘Holding the Man’ has been published in Spain, North America and Canada. It won the 1995 United Nations Human Rights Award for Non Fiction, and was named one of the Australian Society of Authors’ 100 Favourite Australian books in 2003.
The book has been adapted into a play by Tommy Murphy. Its debut by Sydney’s Griffin Theatre Company in 2006 was highly critically acclaimed, and became the highest-grossing production in the company’s 30 year history.
Since then, the play has had six seasons in various theatres around Australia. It has also been performed in Los Angeles, San Francisco and London’s West End. The London production starred well known Australian actors Jane Turner and Simon Burke.
There is currently a film adaptation of ‘Holding the Man’ in production, starring Ryan Corr and Craig Scott as Tim and John. It is being directed by ‘Candy’ director Neil Armfield, and the screenplay was written by Tommy Murphy, who also adapted the book for stage.
Conigrave did not live to see his work achieve acclaim, dying before the book’s publication. Conigrave was an actor who trained at the National Institute of Dramatic Art, so it is fitting that his legacy should make a mark on stage and screen.
Sophie Joske
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where are they buried
Just watched the film yesterday. Fantastic movie that I related to in so many ways having had my partner pass away last year from Aids. Ryan Corr is amazing as Timothy Conigrave. Very confronting film especially the sex scenes and the scenes where John Caleo is wasting away in hospital. We see him take his final breath. I had to fight hard not to leave the theatre howling. One of those movies that linger on in your mind ..
Just finished reading the book – so, so powerful.
I have been searching cemeteries data bases and found that tim was cremated on the 21/10/1994 at Eastern Suburbs Memorial Park Sydney and that his ashes were “taken”, shame I would love to pay my respects.
Thanks for the lead on John
Today I visited John, at Fawkner Cemetery. He is in the Fawkner Special Lawn on the north boundary, very easy to find, just inside the main enterance. I sat, I talked and I reflected. It was so peaceful. I left some white roses dressed in red and black with an Essendon card with a personal message.
Before. I had visited the family home of 1977 to reflect. The most amazing part of the day was going home, I badly need fuel so I dirverted form the eastern freeway with the intent of re joining the freeway at Burke Rd, for an off ramp to the outer suburbs which I found did not exist. My only option was to take the first right to make a u turn. What I found was that this first righ was in fact the very first street I turned into earlier that morning, a second turn to the right would lead me to the Caleo family home at the end of this street. Is this a conincidence or fate. I never intended to return to John’s home. HOW, could this conincidence be possible in all of Melbourne. If any one could possible expain I would be most greatfull.
Andrew, I am more than happy to direct you to John’s grave if you need assistance. I would be happy to meet you there if you wanted.
As to Tim’s resting place, I believe him to be cremated, but cant find where he rests. I have heard a live interview by Anna, Tims Sister, that people visit his grave still. I have been unable to find it. My last option is to, which pains me so much , is to write a letter to Tim’s mum, I know where she lives. I feel like I am intruding, if I should send a letter to her. How does one seek the answers they are seeking, without showing disrespect.
i feel very foolish is to send a letter to Tim’s mother