Public Notice

With immediate effect stop wearing onesies. It has come to our attention that the onesie movement has jumped over the proverbial shark and crossed over into the heterosexual community.

What was once a cool counter-culture movement has frankly become a mainstream embarrassment. The ruling that onesies should be banned in polite society is based on the following.

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• Intoxicated straight girls are roaming the streets of Northbridge in them.
• You can buy one in Target.
• You’re just one step away from being a furry.
• You basically have to strip off to go to the bathroom.

Homosexuals caught wearing a onesie in public after September 6 will be held accountable and may be shunned.

Homosexual Fashion and Culture Ministry